Sermon: The Coming of Christ

New series: The Power of Love: God With Us"
Sermon #1: “The Coming of Christ”
Rev. Cynthia O'Brien
November 27, 2005

Isaiah 64:1-8
Mark 13:24-37
2 Peter 3:8-15

There is a question that women begin to ask each other around this time of year. “So, are you ready for Christmas?” It is an innocent question. But it is also a mean question. It is definitely a woman question.

Men don’t ask. Men don’t care. Men do have certain things they enjoy at Christmas. They like singing familiar carols and building a stable at church. They like delivering food and gifts to people in need. They like to figure out how to connect the strings of outdoor lights without starting a fire. They are perfectly at peace until December 24, when they run down to Main Street Gresham to pick out a gift for their special someone. But largely, men don’t ask about being “ready for Christmas.”

Women do. The authors of the book “Unplug the Christmas Machine” state definitively that women are the architects of Christmas. And if you ask me, they do it beautifully. Their halls are decked with boughs of holly, they choose gifts thoughtfully and sometimes even economically, and delicious smells come from their kitchens. But it comes at a terrible price.

If you want to be mean to a type A perfectionist woman, ask her if she’s ready for Christmas. You’ll get an answer like, “Oh, dear, the THIS needs to be done and the THAT and I don’t know how I’m going to do THOSE things.”

Ministers even do it to each other. Someone will call me and say, “Oh, but I know you must be much too busy this season.” It makes me think, “Oh, no, what else should I be doing?”

The Christmas season is a busy season. Now let’s talk for a minute about Advent. Advent is a season of waiting.

We know what it’s like to wait. A group of gamers camps out in front of a store to be the first to get the new X-box. A young couple in Troutdale are waiting to find out if they’ve been approved for a home loan. A pregnant teenager in Gresham is expecting the birth of her first child.

The people of Iraq are waiting for a stable government of their own and to have control of their own country. Israelis and Palestinians are waiting for agreements to be made. Young people in Africa are waiting for medicine, supplies and education to stop the AIDS epidemic. Children in Haiti are waiting for a chance to go to school.

Isaiah 64 tells us of people who had learned to wait. They were waiting for God to send the Promised One. The Scriptures we read in Advent tell of their longing. God had promised, and they really did believe that he would send the Messiah. When you read these Scriptures, or when you listen to Handel’s Messiah, you hear the deep desire for the one who will come to bring God’s Kingdom.

In his novel The Source, James Michener pictures one small, devout rabbi who lived during the intertestamental period, waiting expectantly for the promised messiah. Every Sabbath, the rabbi was the first to arrive at the synagogue for worship. He wanted to get the choice seat where he would be the first one to see the messiah coming down the road.

He approached every Sabbath with almost breathless anticipation. He waited all day long. And at the end of every Sabbath, he was always deeply disappointed. Yet, early on the next Sabbath, he could be found in his seat waiting again with expectant hope.

(from Simplify and Celebrate, Alternatives for Simple Living, p. 174)

In the fullness of time, the Promised One did come. People like Simeon and Anna recognized who he was when he was just a baby, and many others understood it from Jesus’ life, what he taught and what he did. Jesus fulfilled those expectations.

But then he was killed, and raised from the dead, and ascended to heaven, and promised to come again. So once again the people of God wait. And during the season of Advent, we prepare the way for his coming.

When Web Ruble was a religion writer for The Oregonian, he interviewed a clergyman and asked him about the second coming of Christ. The man said, “I don’t think he’s coming back.”

Web says he didn’t know how to respond. He would have liked to say something profound but he couldn’t think of anything so he changed the subject.

This was a supposedly enlightened, modern, minister. Web found his remark disturbing. Why prepare the way for the Lord if He isn’t coming? It took Web a long time to probe his own feelings about it. He eventually prayed, “Please Lord, tell me you’re coming. Come take me home (someday) because I’m tired and in a land now so foreign. I can’t stand much more of this suddenly-everything-I’ve-ever-learned-is inadequate stuff issuing from the authoritative rude and restless.”

(from “Meditations for the Advent Season,” pub. SMPC, c. 2000)

If Christ isn’t coming back, there is no hope. But we know that he is. Jesus said,

men will see the Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory. ²⁷ And he will send his angels and gather his elect from the four winds

The OT Scriptures were right, and so are the new. We remember the waiting of those ancient people, and we wait in expectation for Christ to come again. That’s why we sing “Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus” and “Lo, He Comes With Clouds Descending.” If you don’t wake up every morning like that rabbi did, watching expectantly, Advent is the time to steep your soul in the waiting, the anticipation of the coming of Christ.

Advent reminds us that when we look around at the troubles of this world, when we are overwhelmed with our trials, that we can look forward with hope.

We are not only waiting, we are waiting with hope. And that’s a different kind of waiting than sitting around singing “Someday my prince will come.” It’s a different kind of waiting than sitting on a cold sidewalk in a sleeping bag waiting for the doors to open so you can get athletic socks at half price.

This kind of waiting is an active waiting. You know how it is when a guest is coming? It’s a “hopeful” kind of waiting. When Rachel and Laurel know that someone is coming, they watch at the window, then they run and change their clothes, they open the front door, they run and hide, they come back out, they set the table. Hopeful waiting means activity. When you are preparing for a houseguest – someone you just can’t wait to see – your waiting is busy and full of joy. Rooms are put in order, meals are prepared, ice cube trays are filled, furniture is dusted, carpets re vacuumed, lists are made.

Advent is waiting and hoping, knowing that something wonderful is really going to happen. And in the midst of our waiting, we may find a different kind of advent.

The first advent was Christ coming as a baby, God with us, in a manger. The second Advent will be the second coming of Christ, God with us, to reign in glory. But there is another Advent, and that is God with us, right now.

Have you ever had a moment when you felt that God was with you? During the Advent season, you may catch glimpses of God in different ways, but you may miss it if you are not looking.

In our house, we have a nativity set that we add to every year. It comes out the first Sunday of Advent. The baby Jesus is safely in a gift box to be opened on Christmas Eve. The wise men begin their journey at the far end of the house and don’t arrive at the manger until January 6.

Our creche provides some moments for creative Biblical interpretation. Like the time when Rachel was very small, maybe 3, that I found the figures arranged with Mary surrounded by all the animals and angels in a very tight group, and Joseph at the other end of the room. I asked Rachel about it.

“Well, Joseph wants to eat one of the sheep and Mary doesn’t want him to. Joseph wants to marry Mary, but she doesn’t want to marry him. So they are all protecting her.”

These are holy moments. You have your own. A holy Advent means celebrating the Christ child, looking forward with hope, and inviting God to touch your life right now.

So don’t ask if people are ready for Christmas, as if everything needed to be completed by a certain date. Advent doesn’t ask if you’re ready for Christmas. Advent asks, Are you ready for Christ?

So make yourself ready for Christ. That means that you have to be careful how you spend your Advent. The traditional activities of Advent can help you. That’s why they were developed.

Many of you will make an Advent wreath this afternoon. The evergreens remind us of the new life God’s love brings us all through the year. The light of candles reminds us of the light Jesus brought into the world by his coming, and the light he continually brings to our hearts. The blue candles stand for the hope that we have as we are longing for the coming of Christ. The pink candle of the third week stands for joy – our longing doesn’t make us sad, rather, it is a joyful hope.

Share the joy with your friends. Ask if they are enjoying the season. Ask where they have seen God at work. Ask what activities are meaningful. Share your hope with people who are in trouble, who are in need, who don’t have the hope you have.

Sermon: The Head of This House

Christ The King 2005
Rev. Cynthia O’Brien

PL 11 “The Head of This House”
November 20, 2005

Colossians 1:15-20
John 18:33-38

^{COL 1:15} He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ¹⁶ For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. ¹⁷ He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ¹⁸ And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. ¹⁹ For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, ²⁰ and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

John 18

^{JN 18:33} Pilate then went back inside the palace, summoned Jesus and asked him, "Are you the king of the Jews?"

^{JN 18:34} "Is that your own idea," Jesus asked, "or did others talk to you about me?"

^{JN 18:35} "Am I a Jew?" Pilate replied. "It was your people and your chief priests who handed you over to me. What is it you have done?"

^{JN 18:36} Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place."

^{JN 18:37} "You are a king, then!" said Pilate.

Jesus answered, "You are right in saying I am a king. In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me."

^{JN 18:38} "What is truth?" Pilate asked.

Every family is on a journey. Imagine you’re driving somewhere, or flying, or sailing on a ship. If you want to go someplace good, and not just wander around, you need a captain, and you have to know where you’re going.

Albert Einstein was on a train once. The conductor came by and asked for his ticket, but Einstein couldn’t find it. The conductor said, “That’s all right, Professor, I know who you are.” Einstein kept looking for the ticket, and the conductor said, “Really, Professor, it’s all right.” Einstein said, “I need to find it so I know where I’m going!”

Some families, even Christian families, appear to not know where they are going. Observing them from the outside, one might conclude that their goals are mixed up. The things they are buying, the dreams they have, come right from the television, and they’re paying for them with maxed-out credit cards at 18 percent interest. Kids are under peer pressure at school, and parents let their children drive the family’s decisions. They sincerely want to be successful, but they are trying to fulfill someone else’s idea of success. Christ is not the head of those homes.

It’s so easy to get caught up in pursuing things that split the family apart. And it’s not necessarily your fault. Maybe you didn’t have adequate role models growing up. Maybe no one taught you how to choose a spouse wisely, or how to grow a marriage. Now you find that you and your spouse and your kids drawn in different directions, running here and there. People have living rooms they don’t live in, and family rooms where the family is never together.

I remember years ago, sitting down with two other couples over lunch at one of their homes. While the kids played outside, they talked to us about their money and what they were doing with it. They were both extremely successful and had beautiful homes. They wondered what God might be calling them to do with their success. People who sit down and think about these things can have some life changing experiences. One of those at lunch was Todd Engstrom, a doctor that many of you know. He left his practice for a month to take his wife, Lisa, and his daughters, Anna and Britta, to Kenya to give medical care to impoverished people.

Jesus said “My kingdom is not of this world.” He leads us to do things that others wouldn’t think of doing. He guides us to make decisions that seem foolish to our neighbors, co-workers or in-laws. But he also takes us on a journey that is, literally, out of this world. If you follow Christ, if you take him seriously, it will be the ride of your life.

Many people follow the radical call of Christ, but even more, when presented with the idea, will just decide not to decide. Jesus says to them, “For this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me."

And they reply, “What is Truth?”

The Bible is clear that you can’t avoid making a decision about whether Christ is Lord. I’m reminded of two beautiful sayings that are often framed and hung in homes:

One is: “Bidden, or not bidden, God is present.”

The other: “Christ is the head of this house,

the unseen guest at every meal, the silent listener to every conversation.”

The Lord is already in your home, whether you invited him or not. The Lord is the Lord over all things, whether you acknowledge him or not.

By him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. ¹⁷ He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ¹⁸ And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.

There is no question that Christ is supreme. This is the question: Is Christ the Head of your house? Is he the captain of your journey?

Someone said, “If God is your co-pilot, you’re in the wrong seat.”

When we have the kingdom of God in our sights and Christ is our captain, then Christ will be the head of the house. This afternoon, when you go home, you can reaffirm Christ as the head of your home. Go back to Deuteronomy 6, which shows us how to live the faith at home:

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Reading the Bible at home with the family, praying together, acknowledging God and godly principles, will go a long way

Kari Torjesen Malcom was a missionary to China and the Philippines, and she wrote this book, “Building Your Family to Last,” when I was in seminary. She was my professor for a class. I was impressed by her philosophy of making Christ the head of her home, and it seemed to have a lasting positive effect on her daughters. Kari’s daughter O-i told her mother about growing up in that family, and Kari wrote it in the book:

“You and Pa were committed to the quest of seeking truth and doing what God wanted us to do. You always fought in front of us kids, and outlined the questions and issues with us – how to relate to Filipinos, how you should relate as husband and wife, how to make cultural adjustments – you worked it all out in front of us. We saw how Christians should work out their problems.

“In life you modeled what you valued and did not value. By not talking about clothes, for instance, you showed they were not important to you. You didn’t fuss about the length of our miniskirts or if we went braless. You were not legalistic about those things. Your focus was not on them, either on buying them or not buying them.

“(I am shocked now to realize what income we lived on.) Our lifestyle was cheap because our values were on good books, travel and having interesting people at our dinner table. We had a good life, not defined by the TV or movies.

“You always told us the truth about yourself, your mission and your church. We knew about the problem of evil early, so evil was never a shock to us. You continued to work as corrupt people with corrupt people in a corrupt church. And I knew early that I was evil, too. That’s a powerful theological truth. With it came an emphasis on God’s grace breaking through the evil. That’s why I am a Christian today.”

The dedication of Kari’s book says it all:

“To our children, Kirsten and O-i, who have given us the highest joy

as they have, with their families, accepted the torch of freedom to continue without interruption the family adventure of many generations to the City of God.”

Do you know where your family is going? Our family’s goals these days primarily revolve around the girls’ character formation, their education and their personal growth.

Perhaps you are planning for future service on the mission field. You’re saving up to be able to work with a group like Habitat for Humanity when you retire. You are thinking about what kind of legacy you are going to leave, and how you will be remembered. You have made provision for the Lord’s work in your will.

I wrote in the November Carillon that Thanksgiving is a good time to sit down with your family and talk about who you are and what you’re about. Where are we going as a family? Who is our captain? How are we going to get there? What are we saving for? What are we hoping for? How will we get the most out of life? How will we make a difference in our community?

Rual Lee died on Wednesday, less than a week after her doctors told her that her condition was terminal. Less than a month ago she was ministering to several of you in her role as a deacon. She called and asked you how you were doing. She was praying for you. 71 may not be young, but that girl had a lot of life in her. She lived with joy, whether working in the garden among all her favorite flowers, or spending time with her husband and children and grandchildren.

We simply don’t know how much time we have together, which is what makes this urgent. Make Christ the Head of your home. Seek the kingdom of God. Live according to all your favorite scriptures. Do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with your God. Walk through the shadow of death and fear no evil. Be fruitful with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control.

It’s not too late to turn your family around, to turn your life around, to decide where you want to go.

A verse I commend to you is printed in your bulletin.

Choose this day whom you will serve… As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Sermon: Dangerous Vows

I Plight Thee My Troth
"The Power of Love" series, sermon 10
Rev. Cynthia O’Brien
Ecclesiastes 4:9 – 5:6 November 13, 2005
1 Corinthians 1:4-9; 15:58 – 16:4

ECC 4:9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

ECC 4:13 Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take warning. 14 The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. 15 I saw that all who lived and walked under the sun followed the youth, the king's successor. 16 There was no end to all the people who were before them. But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

ECC 5:1 Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong. Do not be quick with your mouth,do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.

ECC 5:4 When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. 5 It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. 6 Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, "My vow was a mistake." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? 7 Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God.



I Corinthians 1

1CO 1:4 I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. 5 For in him you have been enriched in every way--in all your speaking and in all your knowledge-- 6 because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. 7 Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. 8 He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.

I Corinthians 15

1CO 15:58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1CO 16:1 Now about the collection for God's people: Do what I told the Galatian churches to do. 2 On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of money in keeping with his income, saving it up, so that when I come no collections will have to be made. 3 Then, when I arrive, I will give letters of introduction to the men you approve and send them with your gift to Jerusalem. 4 If it seems advisable for me to go also, they will accompany me.


Have you ever heard this old wedding vow? "Thereto I plight thee my troth?" Troth, of course, means faithfulness; it’s from the same root that we get “truth.”


Did you ever wonder about that word Plight? Plight means 'pledge'. But the noun plight also means 'peril' or 'predicament'.

From about the 9th century, Pliht (short /i/) meant 'danger' or 'risk' The Old English verb plihtan meant 'to bring danger upon an object'. It gradually came to mean 'to bring danger upon an object by risking its forfeiture'. In other words, if you made a pledge, you had a solemn responsibility to fulfill it; failure to do so could place life and property in peril.

By the 14th century, the verb plight had come to mean 'to give in pledge' or 'to pledge (one's faithfulness or oath)'. It was used both in a general sense and with reference to betrothal or marriage. So the word plight meant “to give a pledge” but it also meant to “put at risk”.

To pledge something often involves risking something, and since we’re learning about love this fall, let’s talk about wedding vows.

A small boy was with his family at his aunt’s wedding rehearsal in the sanctuary of a church. At one point, the minister asked the groom to step forward. The boy turned to his mother and asked, “Is this where they nail the guy to the cross?”

How dangerous is the wedding vow? Pretty dangerous. Marriage is risky. Consider how strong a vow we have to take in order to be married. In our Presbyterian Book of Common Worship, it goes like this:

I, N., take you, N., to be my husband/ wife;
and I promise,
before God and these witnesses,
to be your loving and faithful husband / wife,
in plenty and in want;
in joy and in sorrow;
in sickness and in health;
as long as we both shall live.

An alternate version ends with the words: “until we are parted by death.”

Most people have taken these vows, but not everyone understands the reason they took them.

Michael was in a men’s group a few churches ago when they started talking about wedding vows. One man, an attorney, asked, “How can you expect people to follow through on their wedding vows? Young people get together, they don’t know what they are getting into or what the future holds for them. You can’t hold them to a promise they don’t understand.” Michael thought the attorney made an interesting philosophical point. Years later, Michael was surprised to be in a different men’s group when a different man said essentially the same thing. It turned out that it wasn’t about philosophy: the attorney was having an affair with his secretary, and the other man was cheating on his wife, too.

Tampering with the wedding vows leads to trouble. Or it can have a damaging effect at your gift registry.

Former Education Secretary Bill Bennett was invited to a colleague's wedding. They did not exchange the traditional vows, but pledged to stay together "as long as love shall last." So for a wedding gift, he sent them paper plates.

Of course, a young couple doesn’t know what they’re getting into. Of course, we don’t know what the winds of fate will bring. That’s the whole point of taking the vows. Life is uncertain, but we take vows to support each other through the risks and uncertainties of life. In a chaotic and uncertain world, I will be the constant. I will love you and stand by you, no matter what comes.

If your fiance suggests that your marriage is “as long as love shall last,” then give back the ring and fire the caterer, because this isn’t the person you want to take vows with. Only a person of character can keep vows, and you don’t want to be married to a person who lacks character. I want to be married to someone who has pledged to make the marriage work.

Think about the vows you make:

to be your loving and faithful husband / wife,

I could be faithful all the time, if faithfulness means not getting romantically entagled with anyone else. I could stand by him if, God forbid, Michael were terminally ill. But faithfulness is also about everyday living. It’s not berating your spouse because the girls have holes in their tights or because there’s no milk in the fridge or because the lawn is as high as an elephant’s eye. It’s not being irritated because you have to write a sermon every week and he doesn’t, or because you have to teach teenagers 6 days a week and she doesn’t. It’s doing your part around the house, and not quitting your job in a moment of anger. It’s tucking the kids into bed, and paying the bills on time. It’s making time for each other, and fixing the coffee the way he likes it, and bringing her a flower to make her smile. Loving and faithful spouses cherish each other every day.

in plenty and in want;

Read Ecclesiastes, chapters 4 and 5. The whole context of the section on vows is about how the more people hoard money, the more miserable they are. Plenty and want is not just about having more than enough or not having enough. It’s about the place that money occupies in your marriage.

One of our church members told me that she has been sponsoring children through World Vision or Compassion International, I don’t remember which, for more than 30 years. I asked her how she got started. She said, “It was nearing Christmas, and my three children were bugging me to buy them this thing and that thing, and it finally got to be too much. I made a decision. I said, ‘You don’t even know how good you have it. This Christmas, all the Christmas presents are going to people who need them.” And instead of Christmas presents for the kids, we sponsored three children overseas, one for each of my kids. And that was Christmas.”

in joy and in sorrow;

Dr. Daniel Fuller at Fuller Seminary had a favorite saying: “A Shared Joy is a Double Joy.”

Michael and I do our best to share our joys with each other, although sometimes it’s an act to be happy for the other. “Wow, honey, what’s that you got? A Wisywig 450 Gigabyte case, a 3 K processor with a flat video card, a Pentium port and a motherboard burner, all for $3500 and you only had to drive 60 miles? I’m so happy for you!”

To be fair, it can’t be easy to live with three females and have to be interested in Barbies and My Little Pony.

Share a joy with someone else and it is doubled; share your pain with someone and it is halved. That’s why God made Adam and Eve for each other.

in sickness and in health;

If I had a nickel for every time a church member said to me, “Cynthia, don’t get old.” Paul McCartney is 63 years old, and he should have been living out his days with his beloved Linda, God rest her soul. Let’s hope his new young wife likes him as much next year when he’s 64.

as long as we both shall live.

One couple I know were having a fight. She said, “Remember, dear, til death us do part.” He replied, “That’s why there are so many murders.”

Of course, there’s that one woman who did kill her husband, here in Gresham a few years ago, because she knew her church friends would scorn her if she divorced him, but they would have cared for her if he had been killed by a burglar. In her sociopathic mind, that led to murder.

As long as we both shall live. Til death us do part. Until we are parted by death. This is a serious and dangerous vow. But it is also a comforting vow. You don’t have to worry that your spouse is looking around for something better. You are people of integrity who honor that vow, and there’s comfort in that. We spend our energy working on our marriages, living out our vows.

The Bible encourages us to keep our vows. "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it." You can keep these vows. You have what it takes. God will help you. Listen to the encouragement God gives us:

I Corinthians: you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. 8 He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. stand firm. Let nothing move you.

Ecclesiastes: A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. referring to you, your spouse, and the Holy Spirit.

And the promise from Philippians: He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion .

Sermon: Eternal Love

The Power of Love:
Eternal Love
by Rev. Cynthia O'Brien
November 6, 2005 (All Saints Sunday)

Psalm 116:12-19

^{PS 116:12} How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD. I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.

1 Corinthians 15:51-57

^{1CO 15:50} I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. ⁵¹ Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed-- ⁵² in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. ⁵³ For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. ⁵⁴ When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."

^{1CO 15:55} "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. ⁵⁷ But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

I read in the Oregonian last week about Diane Martinez Mandaville. She has a Halloween party every year with her neighbors. But this year, as she had been studying her heritage, she asked her neighbors: What would you think if this year, instead of our traditional Halloween party, I held one for the Day of the Dead?”

Day of the Dead is the Latino observance of All Saints Day, November 1, the day on which we remember those who have died. In Latino cultures, it includes making altars to remember the person and celebrating with sweets in the shape of skulls and skeletons.

Diane told her neighbors she’d like to build an altar for her grandmother, and she wanted to invite the neighbors to build altars, too.

She said the reactions ranged from interested to “eewww.” She said, “One of my neighbors thought the skulls, the whole idea of Day of the Dead, was scary, morbid and awful,” she said. But I thought to myself, “She just doesn’t understand.

“The skulls are a reminder of our mortality and our immortality. My grandmother is very much alive. We don’t stop at the point of our death.”

They planned the party, complete with authentic Mexican food, then she started on her grandmother’s altar. On a table she laid a brightly striped blanket and a few of her grandmother’s possessions and several other symbols of what she had loved in life: a plastic rosary, images of the Virgin Mary, mermaids, a stack of cinnamon sticks, and a necklace strung with topaz, silver and an avocado charm. “These are the things that bring her back to life for me.”

A neighbor prepared an altar dedicated to four deceased relatives, and it turned out to be a good experience. She said, “What surprised me were the overwhelming emotions that I felt.” I’m not Latina and the Day of the Dead is not part of my cultural tradition, but participating in this really moved me.”

The reluctant neighbor, the one who had thought it was scary morbid and awful: She made skeletons of white chocolate, stayed through the whole party and declared it “wonderful” before she went home.

Diane says “There were watery eyes all over the place. People were sad and happy all at the same time.

from “Grateful for the Dead” by Nancy Haught, The Oregonian, Wednesday, Nov 2, 2005.

The Day of the Dead, or All Souls Day, can be a very sad time, remembering our loved ones who are separated from us. And it’s right to be sad.

Charles Allen, a Methodist minister, wrote about the sorrow when a loved one dies:

When a loved one’s body dies, it breaks our hearts and fills our eyes with tears. We would not have it otherwise. There is something wrong with a person who can be physically separated from one he truly loved and not feel deep sorrow. It always leaves a hurt in our hearts that will never be healed. Sorrow because of death is not a lack of faith. Though we have complete confidence in the future life, still the separation is hard to bear.

But for believers, death is not the end. That’s why we have so many poems and images and songs about death being not the end, but a doorway, a passage into eternal life.

It is because of our faith that we feel sorrow instead of despair. Those who believe in God may be brokenhearted at the loss, but we also have hope.

^{1CO 15:50} I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.

Part of the reason people die is that we live in perishable bodies which cannot exist forever in heaven.

⁵¹ Listen, I tell you a mystery:

What you are about to learn is a mystery. There are many who do not understand it.

Dr. Johnson was one of those who did not understand the mystery. He was a friend of Bible teacher William Barclay. Once a man said to Dr. Johnson that there had been times when he had not feared death. Johnson answered that “he never had a moment in which death was not terrible to him.” Once a woman told him that he should not have a horror for death, because death is the gate of life. Johnson answered, “No rational man can die without uneasy apprehension.” He said that the fear of death was so natural to man, that all life was one long effort not to think about it.

He was one who could not grasp the mystery. But you will understand:

the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. ⁵³ For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality.

The perishable bodies must be transformed into heavenly bodies. Each person will still be the person God made them to be.

One believer who did accept the mystery was Saint Gregory of Nazianzen. He lived in Asia Minor from 330 to 390, was Bishop of Constantinople for the last 9 years of his life, and worked hard to prevent the Arians from causing schism in the church. He preached at the funeral of his brother Caesarius. Listen to what he said, and see whether these would be hopeful words to you on the death of a close relative:

“Why am I so earthly in my thoughts? I shall await the voice of the archangel, the last trumpet, the transformation of heaven, the change of earth, the renewal of the universe. Then I shall see my brother Caesarius himself, no longer in exile, no longer being buried, no longer mourned, no longer pitied, but splendid, glorious, sublime, such as you were often seen in a dream, dearest and most loving of brothers, whether my desire or truth itself represented you.

(Ancient commentary on 1 Corinthians, p. 180, FC 22:23)

⁵⁴ When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."

^{1CO 15:55} "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"

Remember Jesus explained this to Martha in John 11

^{JN 11:23} Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; ²⁶ and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" "Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world."

When our perishable earthly bodies have been transformed into heavenly bodies that will never die, then the final victory over death will have been accomplished. God has promised that one day death will no longer have victory or sting because, as it says in Revelation 21, death will be no more, and here in 1 Corinthians,

⁵⁷ But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Perhaps this is why we feel better after a funeral or memorial service when this hope has been lifted up. We realize that we are not in love with a dead person, but with a person who lives on.

Reading by Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918), Canon of St. Paul’s Cathedral, London

“Death Is Nothing at All”

Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well.

(found in the book “For those we love but see no longer” by the Rev. Lisa Belcher Hamilton.)
Love doesn’t end when a person dies. It’s up to you to think about how you express and receive that love. Many people talk to their loved one – one of my friends walks into her husband’s den and talks to him as if he were right there, and she find comfort in that.

I have found that many people keep that love alive by acts of remembrance. I am a kinesthetic person – I like to do things with my hands, so I notice those kinds of things.

People in our church have done a lot of interesting things to remember a spouse or loved one. One family planted a tree recently to remember their dog who died. One wife made their wedding rings into a beautiful necklace. Many people visit the cemetery, or visit a place that he always loved to go, or make a donation to a charity in her memory.

When my mom’s longtime companion, Phil, died a few years ago, she made albums for me and for my brother of pictures and copies of some of the cards and artwork he made.

Phil’s love is especially near me whenever I do certain kinds of artwork that he taught me. Maybe your dad taught you fly fishing, or your mom taught you to cook a special dish. Doing those things can be an act of remembrance. Just think about what you’ll be having for Thanksgiving dinner – the recipes are loaded with history.

When you water that tree, or wear that jewelry, or go to that place, or look at the album, or make that recipe, you keep that love alive.

Diane Martinez had a table of remembrance for her grandmother. You might find that a nice thing to do – set up a little place with some special memories.

In the church we have a table of remembrance. It has things on it that help us remember. And while some people might be put off by the words “this is my body” and “this is my blood,” this is not morbid and it’s not scary. It’s a reminder of the mortality and immortality of Jesus Christ, and as Jesus said, “do this in remembrance of me,” we remember not only his death, but his rising. More than that, the spiritual presence of Christ is here. At this table today, we will remember our loved ones who have died, and we will look forward to the day when they – and we – will be raised with Christ to eternal life.

If You Read This Blog

If you read the sermons online, I'd love to hear from you.
Please email at smpc@integraonline.com
God bless you
Cynthia O'Brien

Sermon: Mid Life Crisis

PL 8 – Recreating Relationships (Mid Life Crisis) Cynthia O’Brien
Hebrews 12:28-13:6 October 30, 2005
Isaiah 55:1-9 Reformation Sunday

ISA 55:1 "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;
and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.
ISA 55:6 Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.


Hebrews 12:28-13:6

HEB 12:28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29 for our "God is a consuming fire."

HEB 13:1 Keep on loving each other as brothers. 2 Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. 3 Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

HEB 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

HEB 13:6 So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"


What is mid life?

Don Marquis said it is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
When you are too young to get Social Security and too old to get another job
Ogden Nash said it’s when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.
Bennett Cerf said it is when your old classmates are so gray and bald and wrinkled that they don’t recognize you.
Sidney Brody said it’s when you are warned to slow down – not by a policeman, but by your doctor.
When you want to see how long your car will last instead of how fast it will go.

Norm Wright, Understanding the Man in Your Life, chapter 9
“Middle age is when you have lived half of his probable lifespan.
It is a state of mind.

Men sense the passage of time and may have a change of values and a change in his view of life. This is a time when men come face to face with fulfilled and unfulfilled dreams, achievements, goals and relationships. There is a transition in thinking, from “if I die” to “when I die.” Many men look at their lives and think of the things they had hoped for and how little they feel they have acccomplished.

We often make a big deal of turning 40 but underneath the fun and celebration may be another set of feelings. What if I made the wrong decisions? What do I really want for myself? Am I satisfied? Can I be satisfied? What if I work for all this and don’t live to enjoy it? Is this all there is to life? Many men feel these words from Dante’s Inferno:
In the middle of the journey of our life,
I came to myself in a dark wood,
Where the right way was lost.

They are one foot in youth and the other in maturity.

In my favorite Shakespeare play, Much Ado About Nothing, Beatrice is asked if she will ever marry, and her uncle says,

LEONATO
You may light on a husband that hath no beard.
BEATRICE
What should I do with him? dress him in my appareland make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath abeard is more than a youth, and he that hath nobeard is less than a man: and he that is more thana youth is not for me, and he that is less than aman, I am not for him…

This can be the prime of life or the time of despair. This is the time when men discover that nothing they do can prevent old age. They see their parents die, their body changing and younger people moving ahead of them and taking over.

How do they react? Many resist. The resistance can take many forms – avoidance and denial, or moving ahead in life with blinders on. Others pursue what they feel they are losing or have never had. The big four: Power, sex, status, money. But the ultimate emptiness of the big four can make him despair even more. Accumulating more money, dominating more people, climbing higher at work and seducing younger women do not satisfy, but they are a common pattern.

Story – from the book Clergy Couples in Crisis. A young pastor and his wife came to a new church of about 70 members. Soon a family left the church, then another. When the third family left, they were not only missed but now the church budget was in trouble. The pastor began to think, “What if I didn’t have this wife? Maybe she’s the problem. What would it be like to be married to someone else?” It sounds terrible, but can you see how people will sometimes place blame on their spouse for their troubles?

Several of us in the church attended a workshop this weekend called “Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage” with Mark Gungor. He’s very insightful and very opinionated and gave us a lot to think about.

Mark says that one problem we have is believing that there is only one right person to marry. Not just a good person, not just a suitable person, but The One and Only Right Person. You know, everyone wants to find “their soul mate.” The church has perpetuated this by saying “God has that one special person for you.” The problem with this, besides that it’s not biblical, is twofold. One, it hurts young people preparing for marriage. Many couples today are together for years without getting married because they are just not sure they have found “the right person.”

This can also hurt you in midlife, if you begin to wonder whether you married the wrong person. Mark said that people come to him and say, “My marriage isn’t going well. Maybe it wasn’t God’s will for me to marry her.” Mark said “Did you say I do? If you said I do, then it was God’s will.” It’s not nearly as much about who you married as about what you do with your marriage. That’s probably true more often than not.

It is so easy, especially in mid life, to focus on the lacks and negatives of your marriage.

There’s a joke – kind of a sad joke -- about two guys. One says, “I’m through with my marriage.”The friend is stunned. "Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together.""Well" he said, "ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market.""Are you bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you." "Nah, I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

No wonder a man can so easily be tempted by another woman. He forgets the positive things about his own marriage, and with the new woman he sees nothing but positive. This is a delusion. It’s not only wrong, it’s ultimately going to hurt him.

When I was 39 I got the idea that I should plan my midlife crisis – instead of being caught off guard and potentially doing something destructive, I would have a positive life transition. That’s when I got this (toy car), but nothing else happened. It isn’t something you can plan.

The positive transition happened for me when we started planning for my sabbatical. Every pastor in our presbytery is supposed to take a sabbatical after every seven years in a church – When we started planning it, that’s when I started redefining what I wanted from life and what it meant for me to be fully and completely “me,” and how I was going to seek God and what I wanted to be for my husband and my children and whether I was ever going to clean out the garage.

The crisis of midlife is a crisis of values, defining and redefining values.

But it doesn’t have to be a crisis. Everyone experiences some type of midlife transition, but not all experience a crisis. Many times it can be avoided by dealing with the changes. And we can survive the crisis and move ahead. Here is where the help is.

ISA 55:6 Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.

HEB 13:1 Keep on loving each other HEB 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all,
5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have
As long as we are pursuing the things that don’t satisfy, we will never be content.

Isaiah wrote
Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.

God knows when you are disillusioned. God knows what your dreams are. God knows you are struggling. That’s why God invites you to find answers that satisfy.
because God has said,
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Where can you find the God who will never leave you? Here in the community of faith. In a conversation with another person here. Let another person listen to your struggles. Ask someone to show you hope from the Bible. And in the silence of your own home, in the quiet, in the dark, say a prayer, any prayer at all, to God, and God will never leave you.
HEB 13:6 So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.

Resource: What is Abuse?

What is Abuse?
Abuse can have various definitions. Abuse is defined as "Any attempt to control another person or group of people by using physical, verbal,emotional, sexual, spiritual, or psychological tactics to instill fearor force another to act through coercion, manipulation, or intimidation."
Abuse involves physical attacks on another. The abuser attempts to control or intimidate another by hitting, slapping, grabbing, pushing, shoving, or any other physical contact that is designed to control their partner's behavior.
Abuse involves verbal, emotional, and psychological attacks on another. The abuser attempts to control or intimidate another by verbally attacking, criticizing, or humiliating another by their words, guilt, or use of shame to control their partner's behavior.
Abuse involves spiritual attacks on another. When an abuser uses spiritual issues, God, or sacred texts to control their partner's behavior they are using spirituality as a method of shame, not honor.
For the abuser abuse is about control. They fear that the spouse may leave so they try to control them. The abuser uses many techniques to control but it is terrorism because he/she wishes to humiliate and control the behavior of the partner or child. Fear and control are the key elements. The more that the abuser feels a loss of control, the more that they attempt to control others.

Pastor Ron Clark, D.Min.
Metro Church of Christ, Gresham


If you are being physically, emotionally, or verbally abused
and you live in the Portland or Vancouver area please call

Portland Women's Crisis line for immediate assistance
(1-888-235-5333 or 503-235-5333). An advocate will be on call 24 hours and will provide help in English, Spanish, or Russian.

You can also call also Raphael House crisis line: 503-222-6222
Human Solutions (shelter): 503-988-5200
Abuse Recovery Ministry: 503-846-9284 arms@integrityonline.com

If you have been physically or verbally abusive to someone,
or feel you have an anger problem, there is help for you. Make the call.

Ron Clark at Metro Church of Christ: 503-667-0773
Don Voeks, community chaplain: 503-666-7410

Sermon: There is No Fear in Love

PL 7 There Is No Fear in Love Cynthia O’Brien
Ps 118, 1 John October 23, 2005

Psalm 118

PS 118:1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
PS 118:6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
PS 118:7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
PS 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
PS 118:9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
PS 118:13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
PS 118:14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.

1 John 4:16b-21

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17 In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.


There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.

We have a saying in our family: Sisters love each other. I suppose you can’t make it true by just saying it, but when the girls fight, we say that we will not tolerate fighting and name calling, and the positive way we say it is that Sisters Love Each Other.

I learned this from my mom. When my brother and I would fight, which we did all the time, she used to say “Your home should be the one place.” Especially when she became a single parent and there were tremendous pressures on her, she claimed the safety of the home. She taught us that we must be kind to her and to each other, that home should be the one place that is safe, where you know you are loved and accepted.

It makes sense, doesn’t it? Some say, Your home is your castle. A fortress, a place of refuge from the attacks of the world. A place of safety.

But for many people, home is not a refuge. It is not a place of safety. It is a place of fear.

Nancy Nason-Clark tells in her book about John and Sarah. They have been married for 28 years and during most of that time they have been desperately unhappy. He calls her degrading names. During the winter months when he is out of work, he often gets very angry and sometimes resorts to hitting or pushing her to get his own way.

As a result, Sarah has become depressed and feels that she is not worth much inside or outside her home. She comes to church on Sunday alone, and during the week she stays pretty close to the farm. There are very few times that Sarah is seen with anyone except her husband.

Why do so many men abuse their wives?

Sometimes a man does not feel powerful, and he resorts to violence to maintain his dominant position in the marriage. If he has problems at work or unemployment, he may start abusing. Men who have a low self esteem to begin with, have a greater chance of using force when they perceive their power challenged.

It is said that at least half, up to 3 /4 of abusers grew up in a violent home. They either witnessed abuse or experienced it themselves. One research institute argues that boys who saw their father beat their mother are 1,000 times more likely to be violent adults than boys who never had that experience.

There is some evidence that in some couples, both women and men initiate violence equally. But in the majority of cases, it is the man, not the woman, who controls whether there is violence in the home. Social worker Larry Bennet says that many violent men claim that their wives can be violent, too, but none of the violent men he has counseled have ever said that they were afraid to go home at night.

--

Why can’t women leave violent homes?

Fear is the number one reason. She fears for her future, fears further violence and fears for the lives of her children. She fears that her friends will not believe her, or won’t help her if she tells. Fear makes women lie about the reality of the abuse – she will tell people she fell down the stairs. Fear keeps them from seeing the choices they might have. They spend all their energy trying to keep their secret.

Finances is another reason. Many abusive men are good providers. If she doesn’t have personal economic resources, how will she provide for her children? Where could she go? Who would help her? The more economically dependent she is, the more likely it is that she will stay, continue to feel worse about herself to the point that she tells herself that she deserves the battering.

Then there’s the fantasy… the hope that he will change. After violence there may be pleas for forgiveness. Women, especially religious women, cling to the belief that their violent husband wants to and will change. Some religious women feel that marriage is forever no matter how cruel their husband’s treatment, that God will not permit them to leave.

What does God value? God is the God of love, of peace, of safety. Both the OT and the NT denounce violence.

Because of violence the earth was destroyed. Genesis 6: “Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight, and the earth was filled with violence… And God said to Noah, “I have determined to make an end of all flesh, for the earth is filled with violence because of them.” Gen 6:11, 13

Violence is associated with Satan in Ezek 28:16. Prov 4:17: “The wicked drink the wine of violence.” Prov 13:2 “The unfaithful have a craving for violence.”

Old Testament law made special provision to prevent violence within the home. In Exodus 21:26-27, if a man hits his servant in the eye or tooth and destroys it, the man must give the servant his or her freedom.

Malachi 2:16 “I hate a man’s covering his wife with violence, says the Lord Almighty.”

The Bible gives no justification for a man’s abusing his wife, but many try to make a justification. One man, when asked why he had beaten his wife, said this:

(Nancy Nason Clark, No Place For Abuse, p. 119)
Rebellious and stubborn, that’s what she is. And I believe firmly in the Bible. So I have the means, even hitting. I want to do and have done all that I can to make her like other women. You cannot stand the order of creation on its head. Only the man is the Lord of Creation, and he cannot allow himself to be dominated by women folk. So hitting has been my way of marking, that I’m a man, a masculine man, no softie of a man, no cushy type.

This is wrong. This is the kind of person of whom Peter wrote, in 2 Peter 3:16,

which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.

Here’s a word to both the victim and the abuser: God does not condone violence, especially not in a marriage.

The Biblical book of 1 John talks all about love, and one of the most beautiful passages is the one that was read this morning: 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.

You can’t be living in fear and also loving at the same time. You may very well love your husband, but the covenant is being broken. He vowed to love and to cherish you. Is this what it means to cherish?

You hear him say he is a Christian, but John writes,
20 If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar.

No matter how challenging your life is, you must not tolerate abuse in your relationship. That is not love. If it happens, you need to seek out trained people to help. The church is a safe place to tell.

Here is a reminder to the church: We are a safe place. If a woman needs to tell you that she is living in fear, you may be shocked, but you must be careful not to make one of the four big errors that church people make. (from Nancy Nason Clark, No Place for Abuse)
Error #1: Denial. We don’t want to admit that abuse does exist in Christian homes. This prevents us from being ready to help. Jesus said “You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” John 8:32. It is only when we acknowledge the sad facts that we can be God’s servants in addressing the evil.

Error #2: Secrecy and Silence. We must not cover it up, either because we don’t know what to do, or because we think it will look bad for the church. It’s worse for us if we refuse to address the problem in our midst.

Error #3: Discouraging a victim from finding shelter. An older adult friend of mine told me last week, “Our daughter came to us and said that she was having a problem in her marriage. She even had the car packed. But she didn’t say anything else, so we told her to go back to her husband and work it out. We had no idea.” We need to know what the resources are. I have given you numbers and I want you to keep them, or know where to find them in your phone book, so that when you find that someone you know is in need, you’ll know where to call.

Error #4: Presuming on God’s protection. Many believers say she should go back, and God will protect her. We know that is not true. Jesus even said it was wrong to put onesself in a life threatening situation. When Satan challenged Jesus to hurl himself from the roof of the temple so that the angels might bear him up, Jesus said, “Do not put your Lord God to the test.” The seventh commandment implies that we should take every possible step to prevent murder.

The Good News is that God provides a hiding place and a refuge, often outside the immediate community of faith. Rahab helped the Hebrew spies to escape from Jericho (Josh 2:15). David found safety for his parents with the King of Moab (1 Sam 22:2-4). Elijah found safety outside the community of faith in the home of a Phoenician widow (1 Kings 17)

We prayed last week that God would open the eyes of our hearts, that God would enable us to see the truth and to act according to God’s will. This is a hard work, but it is essential to our Christian faith that we care for the hurting among us. Let every abused woman within the reach of this congregation know without a doubt that God is for her. Let every abusive man that knows one of us discover that God has help for him. Let all who are thirsty receive the living water.

Let us pray:

Creator God,
we ask, O Lord, that you would open our eyes to see
the suffering of victims around the world and in our community.
Give us ears to hear their cries and hearts that will not rest
until we have done our part to apply your healing balm to their wounds.
Keep each one of us from violence.
Bring peace and safety to each home,
that all of us may say that home is the place where we are loved and accepted.
Amen.

Prayer from Nancy Nason Clark, No Place for Abuse

Sermon: Domestic Violence 1

PL 4 When it’s too hot or too cold Cynthia O’Brien
Ephesians 5 October 16, 2005
Galatians 5

EPH 5:15 Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

EPH 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

GAL 5:16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

GAL 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

GAL 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.


Back in the summer, the elders and deacons suggested that I preach on Christian marriage and parenting, on issues that affect people’s lives. I thought that after preaching on romance and intimacy last week, that this week I might address problems in relationships.

In some marriages, on a given fall evening, the biggest problem they have is whether the room is too cold or too hot. But in other marriages, the cold defines their whole relationship. Jesus even used this metaphor: Their love has grown cold. I wanted to talk about that.

I also wanted to talk about marriages which have grown too hot – where heated arguments and verbal abuse are the norm, where it’s not about submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, but it’s about manipulation and control. I wanted to mention the very real problem of domestic violence.

It’s the latter subject, domestic abuse, that has taken over today’s message, especially since I went to a workshop Saturday about it. This was at Metro Church of Christ in Gresham. I heard an international expert, Nancy Nason-Clark, speaking on the subject of Domestic Abuse: The Silence of Faith Communities.

If I stay silent, I become part of the problem, and I have been part of the problem every time I’ve missed the opportunity to listen to someone who is in trouble. So let me talk to you about it.

The subject of domestic abuse is a sensitive subject in churches. We are nice people. We can’t imagine that the nice woman sitting in the next pew might be afraid to go home after church, or that the nice man who helps out all the time has put his wife in the emergency room three times this year. We see a friend with a black eye and we make a joke about it, rather than rightfully wondering whether she is safe.

Talking about domestic violence is important because it affects lives right here in this church. I know this applies to some of you, but I don’t tell your story to anyone and I won’t tell it today. Others of you may be in a difficult situation unknown to me, and you’ve been afraid to say anything.

Story of Martha and Daniel, First Presbyterian Church of Birch Grove. (No Place for Abuse: Biblical and Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence, Catherine Clark Kroeger and Nancy Nason-Clark, IVP 2001.)

Domestic violence exists in every country, in every neighborhood.

40 percent of pastors say that they have preached a sermon on abuse. But 95% of church women report they have never heard a sermon on abuse.
58 % of church women have helped an abused woman. But many Christian women who have been abused do not feel that the term “abused woman” applies to them.
A seminary student who abused his wife told Nancy Nason Clark, “No one ever told me it was wrong.”


But the church is a safe place, right? Not always.

March 4, 2005 A United Methodist News Feature By Allysa Adams

The first time Debbie Harsh was beaten by her husband, the injuries sent her to the hospital. She was scared, demoralized and confused. When she was released from the hospital, she got out of the house, got a restraining order and immediately turned to the only place she felt safe: her church.

She says now, "I always thought that the church would be the first place you go for help.”

But the pastors at her nondenominational Christian church didn't know how to help Debbie. They had good intentions. They sent her to a Christian counselor. The counselor urged her to forgive her husband and drop the order of protection against him.

Debbie says, “The counselor's message was that wives submit to your husband and husbands are the head of the house ... and he pointed out to me that I didn't have my husband's permission for that order of protection.”

When she returned to her husband, the violence continued. She was afraid for her life and the safety of their two daughters, Debbie finally left her 16-year marriage for good in 2000 - against the advice of her pastors and church leaders.

She said, "The pastors wanted to be sure that I wouldn't pursue a divorce, and being beat up by a husband wasn't grounds for divorce. Only sexual (in)fidelity was grounds for divorce."

Debbie founded Domestic Violence Education: An Interfaith Project, and now she works to educate the faith community in Tucson, Ariz., about domestic violence. Since 2003, she has spoken to churches, synagogues, Sunday school classes, church social action committees and other religious groups.

She says, "I can't think of any better place than a faith community-a church-to help victims of family violence.”

The Rev. Paul Caseman, senior pastor at St. Marks United Methodist Church in Tucson, participated in one of the program's seminars to prepare himself to deal with incidents of domestic violence in his congregation and community.

"Sometimes domestic violence is one of those issues we put on the back burner and say, 'Surely domestic violence is not happening in our church,'" Caseman said. "That's naiveté on our part to believe that."

According to the Faith Trust Institute, one-third of all women in relationships report being abused in some way by their husband or boyfriend.

"I think we're all aware that domestic violence is out there. I think when we hear the personal stories and the roles that the churches so often do not play, we realize our unawareness leads to more domestic violence," he said.

__________

Honestly, the good people in most churches simply cannot believe that domestic violence is in their congregations. Abusers can be good at hiding it, and women don’t want to report it. They say that it takes an average of 35 incidents before a woman will report that she is being abused.

Certainly, if her church doesn’t want to hear about it, if her pastor is not supportive, she will not turn to her church for help. But if she hears it preached from the pulpit, and if she finds friends who have time to listen, she might just tell her story.

Every time a pastor preaches about domestic violence and affirms the church’s care for victims, someone always comes forward afterwards and says, “Yes, that’s my story, but I didn’t tell before because I didn’t know how you would react.”

If that’s you, please know I am willing to hear your story, and to care for you, and to respect what you are going through, and to give you resources and find help. Your deacons and elders and church staff and I will be there for you.

I’m going to pick this up again next week. I had planned to talk about wedding vows next Sunday, and I will in a couple of weeks, but there’s more I want to share with you on this subject. What should you be able to expect in the way of safety from a marriage? What does God require of a battered wife?

Next Sunday is the day to bring a friend who needs to hear a message from God. It is a message to women that she should be able to be safe in her home, that she is worth something even if she has had a lifetime of people saying she is worthless and stupid.

It will also be a message to those in positions of power, that the Bible is clear that it is never OK to abuse another person, and that God offers help for the person with an anger problem. We will have resources available in the bulletin. We will also talk about what you should do when you suspect someone is being abused, or when a victim confides in you.

Today is the day that the elders and I offer prayers for healing with the laying on of hands and the anointing with oil. Anyone is welcome to come forward and kneel, or go back to the narthex, and let the elder pray for you. Michael will be in the narthex, Bob and Eric and I will be here at the front. In addition to our usual prayers for healing, if you know someone who is a victim or a perpetrator, I want you to come up and receive a prayer for them. No one is watching you or judging you – if others see you come forward, they are simply praying for God to answer your prayer.

Sermon: On Romance

PL 5 – On Romance Cynthia O’Brien
Song of Solomon chapters 1 and 7 October 9, 2005


I learned fairly early that God was interested in romance.

I used to go to Junior High retreat at Forest Home Christian Conference Center in Redlands, California, every winter and every summer. There would be worship, and recreation, and ice cream sundaes, and shopping in the camp bookstore, and mischief in the cabins, big teaching sessions and small workshops. One time, they had a workshop called Love, Sex and Dating.

Fearlessly, I signed up. Everybody was going to the Love, Sex and Dating class. We called it LSD for short.

The pastor who led the class was one of those very cool young pastors we had in the 1970’s, with long hair and all. He talked frankly about the temptations and the pleasures ahead of us, and I’m sure I was in a swoon for most of it – (swoon is an old fashioned word for being so completely out of it that you can’t get a grip) – but what I do remember is that God was interested in romance.

You could look at this a couple of different ways. If you were going to be bad, you could think of God as a snoopy old chaperone who found you at Lookout Point and shone his flashlight into your ‘69 Chevy. Or, if you were going to be good, you could think of God more as Aphrodite, the goddess of love, feeding you peeled grapes and fanning you with palm brances in the Garden of Delight.

Personally, I think God is much more about the Garden of Delight, and like any parent, wishes that he could spend more time encouraging us to be romantic and less time telling us to put on the brakes. So let’s talk about God’s romantic aspirations for us, include a word to the old and a word to the young, and then a word of hope.

1. GOD IS A ROMANTIC

First, God is a romantic.

I am so glad the Song of Solomon made it into the Bible, but I’m kind of surprised that it’s there. So much of the Old Testament is about bad sex and violence. My husband teaches Old Testament to all the 9th and 10th graders at Portland Lutheran School, and now, one month into it, one of the students raised his hand and asked, “Pastor O’Brien, why do you talk about sex so much?” Believe me, no teacher wants THAT message going home to parents, but what the student meant was that he couldn’t believe there was so much sex in the Bible.

But not good sex. Not really. Not until you get to the Song of Solomon. Thank God. It is a celebration of romantic love in all its beauty. It is an amazing example of how a piece of literature can be both explicit in its language and yet pure and lovely at the same time. A lot of people don’t even know it’s in there, and when they read it, they can’t believe how wonderful it is.

The book is a dialogue between a man and a woman who are completely in love with each other and delight in each other. It is a celebration of love and physical intimacy, with no shame, no guilt, no embarrassment.

The other is an allegorical reading, that is, that it describes the intimate relationship between God and the believer, or between Christ and the church.

Over the centuries, Christians have argued over whether you should read it as an allegory for God’s love for people. Jovinan, a Roman monk, said that the Song of Songs should be read literally and that it was a defense of the virtue of marital sexual love.

But St. Augustine and Jerome condemned him and said that it couldn’t possibly be read literally, but was a spiritual allegory. The Council of Constantinople in 550 outlawed the literal reading of the Song of Songs, saying it was only to be interpreted allegorically. Some rationalists argued that if you were to read it literally, it was so graphic that it would be obscene and unsuitable for the Christian reader.

But people started appreciating Song of Songs again in its fullness after the Reformation. Over the centuries, Christians have asked why a description of human love and intimacy should trouble us .

See the couple in the text. Their relationship is growing and deepening. The more familiar they are with each other, the more exciting it is. God intends husband and wife to enjoy exploring each other and delighting in each other.

The wife says:
Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

The husband says:
7:6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!… 9 and your mouth like the best wine.

Complimentary words, sincerely presented – don’t you think that would yield some good results?

An elementary school class was asked to give advice to a new husband. Ricky, age 10 suggested: "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck."

I really did mean, complimentary words, sincerely spoken.

Proverbs 5 backs up the message of Song of Songs: “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” Proverbs 5.

This is God’s idea of pillow talk, and it’s beautiful.

When you read through the book, you might find it strange… All this talk of “your body is” a gazelle – a wall -- towers and pomegranites. But that’s the 2,000 year cultural barrier talking. Read modern poets and you will find language that is just as beautiful, just as interesting.

2. A WORD TO THE OLD AND TO THE YOUNG

Let me say a brief word to the older people here, and then to the younger ones. I’ll start with a little story.

A worship design team was meeting to choose hymns for the variety of sermon topics coming up. The leader called out the topics: “OK, first is grace.” A few people suggested “Amazing Grace.” The next topic was alcohol. Someone suggested “Fill Me Jesus, Fill Me Now.” They all thought that was pretty funny. The next topic was sex. No one could think of anything, until an elderly lady started humming, “Precious Memories…”

This one is difficult, and I approach it tenderly. For some of you, your days of romance are behind you. Perhaps they ended in a divorce, or in death. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be without your knight in shining armor, or the woman who brightened up each day. I’ve known many of your loved ones who have died, and they were truly wonderful people. I don’t forget them.

For you, this Scripture may be a message of remembrance. Even though it might hurt, remembering can be a blessing, and every time you remember, you can thank God for every romantic moment. Who knows, maybe there is another romance in your future. Or maybe you take that romantic energy and channel it into building loving relationships with your grandkids. Send an “I Love You” letter to your granddaughter at college.

Now here’s a note for the young people. God made romantic love for you, too. It was God that made your body change and God who gave you all these feelings. God designed you to give and receive pleasure with your husband or wife. You get to choose this person, and he or she gets to choose you, and you will leave your parents and become one flesh with each other. It is with your husband that you’ll play the games that Solomon and the Shulamite played. It is with your wife that you will have complete trust and intimacy. There will be no one else in the whole world with whom you will have this joy. It is just for you two.

So I recommend that you do everything in your power to save yourself for marriage, and when the time is right, to choose a marriage partner with whom you can discover these pleasures.



3. SO, IF YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ROMANCE, TAKE IT

What about the rest of us in the middle, neither old nor young? If you’re looking for love, pray to the God who is love, the God who made romance. Ask God to make you the kind of person that would atttact the right mate – Become a person with high moral character, kindness and personal strength. Be alert to the opportunities around you. Watch for an unexpected blessing.

And if you are like I am, married to the man of your dreams, or if at least you’re married, raise the romance quotient in your daily life. Surprise your mate. Take a risk. Remember what used to be fun, and see where it goes.

In the online magazine Salon, Garrison Keillor wrote this week about “having fun” (Salon.com, October 5, 2005)

Having fun is up to you; nobody else can manage it for you.
Women get broody sometimes and want to sit in front of a fire with a glass of merlot and discuss The Relationship, which is never a good idea. You know this. If you were captured by Unitarian terrorists and sat on by a fat lady and told that you absolutely must discuss your relationship, you should say no, no, no.
Never use the word "relationship." You can say "marriage" or "romance" or "partnership" or "living arrangement" or "hubba hubba ding dong," but the word "relationship" is like the hissing of vipers. If the romance or marriage needs help, the answer almost always is Have More Fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. Take a brisk walk. Dance. Take a trip to Duluth. Read Dickens. There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.
Other people can't do that for you…. you're grown up now and it's time to get some fun in your life.
This is a gift that God gave us. You may remember it fondly, or look forward to it hopefully. But if you are so blessed that you can enjoy it now, cherish it.

Amen.