Surviving the Holidays

If anyone knows who wrote these, let me know. I heard something similar on the radio, found this online and lost the reference, but I think they are helpful.

Surviving the Holidays…

Be Aware of Family Dynamics

Family dynamics can become strained at holiday gatherings for a variety of reasons: adult children may slip into old roles while parents feel taken for granted. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you negotiate your familial relationships:

1. Don't Regress: You're not 8. You, your parents, your siblings and all of your assorted relatives are complicated adults. You all have your own lives, concerns and needs. Everyone wants to be loved, and everyone fears going unnoticed.
2. Be Sensitive: Families change through divorce, marriage, death, illness, birth and all the other unpredictable events that keep life interesting. Be sensitive to how these changes affect your family members especially during the holidays.
3. Go Easy on Mom: Psychologist William Doherty explains that one person is typically assigned to "take on the emotional and physical responsibility for the holiday" and "actualize the cultural belief that the family is one big harmonious group." That person is usually mom, but no matter who it is in your family, don't take this person's role for granted. Help in the kitchen, grease the wheels of dinner conversation and let this person know that they're loved.

Respect Your Differences

It's not always easy to make conversation with a family member who doesn't share your politics or worldview, but everyone deserves a fair shake. Here a few things to keep in mind when dealing with difference around the dinner table:

1. Be Empathetic: Take the time to understand where people are coming from, and you'll have a much easier time interacting with them in general.
2. Be Attentive: People are pretty interesting. They also like to talk about themselves. Ask your family members questions, and listen to their answers. Did they ever meet someone famous? Were they in a war? How did they meet their spouse? You never know what you'll discover.
3. Don't Discipline Anyone Else's Children: People have very particular ideas about child-rearing. Even if a child is throwing mushy peas at your head, do not discipline the child.
4. Don't Criticize: Don't ask your adult children if they're dating, when they're going to have children or whether or not they could stand to lose a little weight.
5. Differentiate Between Public and Private: While you may be amongst friends and family, wait for a quieter moment to come out to mom and dad or announce that you're dropping out of college. Don't force someone to perform his or her response in front of others.
6. Accommodate Special Dietary Needs: Make vegetarians and those with special dietary needs feel included by providing a couple of alternatives dishes, and don't feel insulted if they can't eat everything you've prepared.

Dealing with Difficult People

If you must invite an especially difficult person to dinner, you may need a few conflict management tricks up your sleeve to make it to dessert.

1. Choose Your Behavior: Remember you can't change someone else, but you can control your response. Favor logic rather than emotion when dealing with a difficult person.
2. Acknowledge Comments: Be honest when someone says something inappropriate or hurtful. Being too polite can result in a blow-up. Sometimes simply saying "I heard you" is enough.
3. Use Humor: Humor can diffuse even the most volatile situations, but be careful. Don't make a joke at anyone's expense but your own.
4. Team Up: Talk to a family member you get along with well before dinner. Come up with a couple of strategies to manage a difficult person.
5. Create a Refuge: If you're feeling overwhelmed, excuse yourself. Take refuge in another room.
6. Call a Friend: Sometimes contact with the "outside world" can help put things in perspective quickly.
7. Don't Drink Too Much: Having too much alcohol can make dealing with difficult people even more difficult. You need to keep your cool, and alcohol won't help.

The Christians and the Pagans

Here's a holiday song that gave me the idea for my November 18 sermon.

Thanksgiving Prayers

If you are asked to say a prayer at your Thanksgiving table, consider one of these, or write your own. Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Prayers

Our Father in Heaven,
We give thanks for the pleasure
of gathering together for this occasion.
We give thanks for this food
prepared by loving hands.
We give thanks for life,
the freedom to enjoy it all
and all other blessings.
As we partake of this food,
we pray for health and strength
to carry on and try to live

as You would have us.
This we ask in the name of Christ.

Amen.
- Harry Jewell

O God, when I have food,

help me to remember the hungry;

When I have work,

help me to remember the jobless;

When I have a home,

help me to remember those who have no home;

When I am without pain,

help me to remember those who suffer,

And remembering,

help me to destroy my complacency;

bestir my compassion,

and be concerned enough to help

those who cry out for what we take for granted.

Amen.

-Samuel F. Pugh

Luther's Letter to the Archbishop

Luther's Letter to the Archbishop of Mainz (1517)

To the Most Reverend Father in Christ and Most Illustrious Lord, Albrecht of Magdeburg and Mainz, Archbishop and Primate of the Church, Margrave of Brandenburg, etc., his own lord and pastor in Christ, worthy of reverence and fear, and most gracious JESUS

The grace of God be with you in all its fulness and power! Spare me, Most Reverend Father in Christ and Most Illustrious Prince, that I, the dregs of humanity, have so much boldness that I have dared to think of a letter to the height of your Sublimity. The Lord Jesus is my witness that, conscious of my smallness and baseness, I have long deferred what I am now shameless enough to do, -- moved thereto most of all by the duty of fidelity which I acknowledge that I owe to your most Reverend Fatherhood in Christ. Meanwhile, therefore, may your Highness deign to cast an eye upon one speck of dust, and for the sake of your pontifical clemency to heed my prayer. Papal indulgences for the building of St. Peter's are circulating under your most distinguished name, and as regards them, I do not bring accusation against the outcries of the preachers, which I have not heard, so much as I grieve over the wholly false impressions which the people have conceived from them; to wit, -- the unhappy souls believe that if they have purchased letters of indulgence they are sure of their salvation; again, that so soon as they cast their contributions into the money-box, souls fly out of purgatory; furthermore, that these graces [i.e., the graces conferred in the indulgences] are so great that there is no sin too great to be absolved, even, as they say -- though the thing is impossible -- if one had violated the Mother of God; again, that a man is free, through these indulgences, from all penalty and guilt.

O God, most good! Thus souls committed to your care, good Father, are taught to their death, and the strict account, which you must render for all such, grows and increases. For this reason I have no longer been able to keep quiet about this matter, for it is by no gift of a bishop that man becomes sure of salvation, since he gains this certainty not even by the "inpoured grace" of God, but the Apostle bids us always "work out our own salvation in fear and trembling," and Peter says, "the righteous scarcely shall be saved." Finally, so narrow is the way that leads to life, that the Lord, through the prophets Amos and Zechariah, calls those who shall be saved "brands plucked from the burning," and everywhere declares the difficulty of salvation. Why, then, do the preachers of pardons, by these false fables and promises, make the people careless and fearless? Whereas indulgences confer on us no good gift, either for salvation or for sanctity, but only take away the external penalty, which it was formerly the custom to impose according to the canons.

Finally, works of piety and love are infinitely better than indulgences, and yet these are not preached with such ceremony or such zeal; nay, for the sake of preaching the indulgences they are kept quiet, though it is the first and the sole duty of all bishops that the people should learn the Gospel and the love of Christ, for Christ never taught that indulgences should be preached. How great then is the horror, how great the peril of a bishop, if he permits the Gospel to be kept quiet, and nothing but the noise of indulgences to be spread among his people! Will not Christ say to them, "straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel"? In addition to this, Most Reverend Father in the Lord, it is said in the Instruction to the Commissaries which is issued under your name, Most Reverend Father (doubtless without your knowledge and consent), that one of the chief graces of indulgence is that inestimable gift of God by which man is reconciled to God, and all the penalties of purgatory are destroyed. Again, it is said that contrition is not necessary in those who purchase souls [out of purgatory] or buy confessionalia.

But what can I do, good Primate and Most Illustrious Prince, except pray your Most Reverend Fatherhood by the Lord Jesus Christ that you would deign to look [on this matter] with the eye of fatherly care, and do away entirely with that treatise and impose upon the preachers of pardons another form of preaching; lest, perchance, one may some time arise, who will publish writings in which he will confute both them and that treatise, to the shame of your Most Illustrious Sublimity. I shrink very much from thinking that this will be done, and yet I fear that it will come to pass, unless there is some speedy remedy.

These faithful offices of my insignificance I beg that your Most Illustrious Grace may deign to accept in the spirit of a Prince and a Bishop, i.e., with the greatest clemency, as I offer them out of a faithful heart, altogether devoted to you, Most Reverend Father, since I too am a part of your flock.

May the Lord Jesus have your Most Reverend Fatherhood eternally in His keeping. Amen.

From Wittenberg on the Vigil of All Saints, MDXVII.

[Source: Adolph Spaeth, L.D. Reed, Henry Eyster Jacobs, et al, eds., The Works of Martin Luther vol. 1 (Philadelphia: A. J. Holman Company, 1915), pp. 25-28.]

Luther's 95 Theses

The 95 Theses

by Martin Luther

posted October 31, 1517

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1. When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, "Repent" (Mt 4:17), he willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.

2. This word cannot be understood as referring to the sacrament of penance, that is, confession and satisfaction, as administered by the clergy.

3. Yet it does not mean solely inner repentance; such inner repentance is worthless unless it produces various outward mortification of the flesh.

4. The penalty of sin remains as long as the hatred of self (that is, true inner repentance), namely till our entrance into the kingdom of heaven.

5. The pope neither desires nor is able to remit any penalties except those imposed by his own authority or that of the canons.

6. The pope cannot remit any guilt, except by declaring and showing that it has been remitted by God; or, to be sure, by remitting guilt in cases reserved to his judgment. If his right to grant remission in these cases were disregarded, the guilt would certainly remain unforgiven.

7. God remits guilt to no one unless at the same time he humbles him in all things and makes him submissive to the vicar, the priest.

8. The penitential canons are imposed only on the living, and, according to the canons themselves, nothing should be imposed on the dying.

9. Therefore the Holy Spirit through the pope is kind to us insofar as the pope in his decrees always makes exception of the article of death and of necessity.

10. Those priests act ignorantly and wickedly who, in the case of the dying, reserve canonical penalties for purgatory.

11. Those tares of changing the canonical penalty to the penalty of purgatory were evidently sown while the bishops slept (Mt 13:25).

12. In former times canonical penalties were imposed, not after, but before absolution, as tests of true contrition.

13. The dying are freed by death from all penalties, are already dead as far as the canon laws are concerned, and have a right to be released from them.

14. Imperfect piety or love on the part of the dying person necessarily brings with it great fear; and the smaller the love, the greater the fear.

15. This fear or horror is sufficient in itself, to say nothing of other things, to constitute the penalty of purgatory, since it is very near to the horror of despair.

16. Hell, purgatory, and heaven seem to differ the same as despair, fear, and assurance of salvation.

17. It seems as though for the souls in purgatory fear should necessarily decrease and love increase.

18. Furthermore, it does not seem proved, either by reason or by Scripture, that souls in purgatory are outside the state of merit, that is, unable to grow in love.

19. Nor does it seem proved that souls in purgatory, at least not all of them, are certain and assured of their own salvation, even if we ourselves may be entirely certain of it.

20. Therefore the pope, when he uses the words "plenary remission of all penalties," does not actually mean "all penalties," but only those imposed by himself.

21. Thus those indulgence preachers are in error who say that a man is absolved from every penalty and saved by papal indulgences.

22. As a matter of fact, the pope remits to souls in purgatory no penalty which, according to canon law, they should have paid in this life.

23. If remission of all penalties whatsoever could be granted to anyone at all, certainly it would be granted only to the most perfect, that is, to very few.

24. For this reason most people are necessarily deceived by that indiscriminate and high-sounding promise of release from penalty.

25. That power which the pope has in general over purgatory corresponds to the power which any bishop or curate has in a particular way in his own diocese and parish.

26. The pope does very well when he grants remission to souls in purgatory, not by the power of the keys, which he does not have, but by way of intercession for them.

27. They preach only human doctrines who say that as soon as the money clinks into the money chest, the soul flies out of purgatory.

28. It is certain that when money clinks in the money chest, greed and avarice can be increased; but when the church intercedes, the result is in the hands of God alone.

29. Who knows whether all souls in purgatory wish to be redeemed, since we have exceptions in St. Severinus and St. Paschal, as related in a legend.

30. No one is sure of the integrity of his own contrition, much less of having received plenary remission.

31. The man who actually buys indulgences is as rare as he who is really penitent; indeed, he is exceedingly rare.

32. Those who believe that they can be certain of their salvation because they have indulgence letters will be eternally damned, together with their teachers.

33. Men must especially be on guard against those who say that the pope's pardons are that inestimable gift of God by which man is reconciled to him.

34. For the graces of indulgences are concerned only with the penalties of sacramental satisfaction established by man.

35. They who teach that contrition is not necessary on the part of those who intend to buy souls out of purgatory or to buy confessional privileges preach unchristian doctrine.

36. Any truly repentant Christian has a right to full remission of penalty and guilt, even without indulgence letters.

37. Any true Christian, whether living or dead, participates in all the blessings of Christ and the church; and this is granted him by God, even without indulgence letters.

38. Nevertheless, papal remission and blessing are by no means to be disregarded, for they are, as I have said (Thesis 6), the proclamation of the divine remission.

39. It is very difficult, even for the most learned theologians, at one and the same time to commend to the people the bounty of indulgences and the need of true contrition.

40. A Christian who is truly contrite seeks and loves to pay penalties for his sins; the bounty of indulgences, however, relaxes penalties and causes men to hate them -- at least it furnishes occasion for hating them.

41. Papal indulgences must be preached with caution, lest people erroneously think that they are preferable to other good works of love.

42. Christians are to be taught that the pope does not intend that the buying of indulgences should in any way be compared with works of mercy.

43. Christians are to be taught that he who gives to the poor or lends to the needy does a better deed than he who buys indulgences.

44. Because love grows by works of love, man thereby becomes better. Man does not, however, become better by means of indulgences but is merely freed from penalties.

45. Christians are to be taught that he who sees a needy man and passes him by, yet gives his money for indulgences, does not buy papal indulgences but God's wrath.

46. Christians are to be taught that, unless they have more than they need, they must reserve enough for their family needs and by no means squander it on indulgences.

47. Christians are to be taught that they buying of indulgences is a matter of free choice, not commanded.

48 Christians are to be taught that the pope, in granting indulgences, needs and thus desires their devout prayer more than their money.

49. Christians are to be taught that papal indulgences are useful only if they do not put their trust in them, but very harmful if they lose their fear of God because of them.

50. Christians are to be taught that if the pope knew the exactions of the indulgence preachers, he would rather that the basilica of St. Peter were burned to ashes than built up with the skin, flesh, and bones of his sheep.

51. Christians are to be taught that the pope would and should wish to give of his own money, even though he had to sell the basilica of St. Peter, to many of those from whom certain hawkers of indulgences cajole money.

52. It is vain to trust in salvation by indulgence letters, even though the indulgence commissary, or even the pope, were to offer his soul as security.

53. They are the enemies of Christ and the pope who forbid altogether the preaching of the Word of God in some churches in order that indulgences may be preached in others.

54. Injury is done to the Word of God when, in the same sermon, an equal or larger amount of time is devoted to indulgences than to the Word.

55. It is certainly the pope's sentiment that if indulgences, which are a very insignificant thing, are celebrated with one bell, one procession, and one ceremony, then the gospel, which is the very greatest thing, should be preached with a hundred bells, a hundred processions, a hundred ceremonies.

56. The true treasures of the church, out of which the pope distributes indulgences, are not sufficiently discussed or known among the people of Christ.

57. That indulgences are not temporal treasures is certainly clear, for many indulgence sellers do not distribute them freely but only gather them.

58. Nor are they the merits of Christ and the saints, for, even without the pope, the latter always work grace for the inner man, and the cross, death, and hell for the outer man.

59. St. Lawrence said that the poor of the church were the treasures of the church, but he spoke according to the usage of the word in his own time.

60. Without want of consideration we say that the keys of the church, given by the merits of Christ, are that treasure.

61. For it is clear that the pope's power is of itself sufficient for the remission of penalties and cases reserved by himself.

62. The true treasure of the church is the most holy gospel of the glory and grace of God.

63. But this treasure is naturally most odious, for it makes the first to be last (Mt. 20:16).

64. On the other hand, the treasure of indulgences is naturally most acceptable, for it makes the last to be first.

65. Therefore the treasures of the gospel are nets with which one formerly fished for men of wealth.

66. The treasures of indulgences are nets with which one now fishes for the wealth of men.

67. The indulgences which the demagogues acclaim as the greatest graces are actually understood to be such only insofar as they promote gain.

68. They are nevertheless in truth the most insignificant graces when compared with the grace of God and the piety of the cross.

69. Bishops and curates are bound to admit the commissaries of papal indulgences with all reverence.

70. But they are much more bound to strain their eyes and ears lest these men preach their own dreams instead of what the pope has commissioned.

71. Let him who speaks against the truth concerning papal indulgences be anathema and accursed.

72. But let him who guards against the lust and license of the indulgence preachers be blessed.

73. Just as the pope justly thunders against those who by any means whatever contrive harm to the sale of indulgences.

74. Much more does he intend to thunder against those who use indulgences as a pretext to contrive harm to holy love and truth.

75. To consider papal indulgences so great that they could absolve a man even if he had done the impossible and had violated the mother of God is madness.

76. We say on the contrary that papal indulgences cannot remove the very least of venial sins as far as guilt is concerned.

77. To say that even St. Peter if he were now pope, could not grant greater graces is blasphemy against St. Peter and the pope.

78. We say on the contrary that even the present pope, or any pope whatsoever, has greater graces at his disposal, that is, the gospel, spiritual powers, gifts of healing, etc., as it is written, 1 Co 12[:28].

79. To say that the cross emblazoned with the papal coat of arms, and set up by the indulgence preachers is equal in worth to the cross of Christ is blasphemy.

80. The bishops, curates, and theologians who permit such talk to be spread among the people will have to answer for this.

81. This unbridled preaching of indulgences makes it difficult even for learned men to rescue the reverence which is due the pope from slander or from the shrewd questions of the laity.

82. Such as: "Why does not the pope empty purgatory for the sake of holy love and the dire need of the souls that are there if he redeems an infinite number of souls for the sake of miserable money with which to build a church? The former reason would be most just; the latter is most trivial.

83. Again, "Why are funeral and anniversary masses for the dead continued and why does he not return or permit the withdrawal of the endowments founded for them, since it is wrong to pray for the redeemed?"

84. Again, "What is this new piety of God and the pope that for a consideration of money they permit a man who is impious and their enemy to buy out of purgatory the pious soul of a friend of God and do not rather, because of the need of that pious and beloved soul, free it for pure love's sake?"

85. Again, "Why are the penitential canons, long since abrogated and dead in actual fact and through disuse, now satisfied by the granting of indulgences as though they were still alive and in force?"

86. Again, "Why does not the pope, whose wealth is today greater than the wealth of the richest Crassus, build this one basilica of St. Peter with his own money rather than with the money of poor believers?"

87. Again, "What does the pope remit or grant to those who by perfect contrition already have a right to full remission and blessings?"

88. Again, "What greater blessing could come to the church than if the pope were to bestow these remissions and blessings on every believer a hundred times a day, as he now does but once?"

89. "Since the pope seeks the salvation of souls rather than money by his indulgences, why does he suspend the indulgences and pardons previously granted when they have equal efficacy?"

90. To repress these very sharp arguments of the laity by force alone, and not to resolve them by giving reasons, is to expose the church and the pope to the ridicule of their enemies and to make Christians unhappy.

91. If, therefore, indulgences were preached according to the spirit and intention of the pope, all these doubts would be readily resolved. Indeed, they would not exist.

92. Away, then, with all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, "Peace, peace," and there is no peace! (Jer 6:14)

93. Blessed be all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, "Cross, cross," and there is no cross!

94. Christians should be exhorted to be diligent in following Christ, their Head, through penalties, death and hell.

95. And thus be confident of entering into heaven through many tribulations rather than through the false security of peace (Acts 14:22).

Note: This document was originally made available to the Internet by Bob Van Cleef (revc@garg.campbell.ca.us)

Sabbatical Plans

This summer is a time of rest and renewal.

I'll keep the myspace page, but my plan is to be mostly off line except to post pictures once in a while. Also my riverandvine e-mail will have a vacation message on it. So catch me this week if you need me before I go!

I will be resting, studying, thinking, praying, writing and playing. I have a stack "this high" of books I want to read. Here's where I'm going:

June is mostly time by myself. After the girls and I go to Mom and Me Camp, I'll go to the Trappist Abbey (www.trappistabbey.org) to pray and clear my head. I'll have a week at the Grunewald Guild (www.artfaith.com) to study art and spirituality with Bro. Mickey McGrath (www.beestill.com). His new book, At the Name of Jesus, will be the basis of my sermon series for December 2007 through Easter 2008.

July is mostly time with Michael. My brother Jonathan will take care of the girls while Michael and I go to Los Angeles to study at seminaries, visit churches and museums, and renew our marriage. Highlights will include studying the Gutenberg Bible and ancient manuscripts at the Huntington Library, Greek and Roman art at the Getty Museum, using the library at Fuller Seminary and visiting the church I pastored in Escondido. We will take a short cruise out of San Diego with my mom and Jonathan.

August is family time, reading and reflection. My dad and his wife will be with us here in Gresham the first week of August. I hope to catch the Mount Hood Jazz Festival and Mt Hood Repertory Theater when I'm here. We will go to Kauai August 6-16 with Michael's parents, siblings and their families, thanks to the generosity of Michael's parents. Then Michael and the girls and I will stay another week in Maui. I'll go back to the abbey for the last week of the month to pray and write before returning to church September 1.

Please don’t bother our house sitters while we’re out of town, but feel free to send us a card as we’ll be dropping into town frequently and will pick up our mail regularly. Have a great summer!

Sermon: Bringing Peace to Work, School

Bringing Peace to Workplace and School

1 Sam 25, selections

Cynthia O’Brien

May 20, 2007

Kip Kinkel entered the cafeteria, firing randomly. Students screamed and hit the foor, seeking cover under tables. 17-year old Jake Ryker turned to face Kip and yelled. A bullet blasted through his chest, ripped through his lung, out his back and slammed into his girlfriend, Jennifer. He fell to the floor, bleeding.

Kip shot 17-year old Mike Nickolausen in the leg. Then he put the gun to the back of Mike’s head, shot and killed him. He turned to 14-year old Ryan Crawley, stuck the gun in his face and pulled the trigger. Click. Empty. Kip reached into his pack for another clip. Ryan reached up and started punching him in the throat and in the face.

Jake struggled to get up from the floor. His leg got tangled under a chair, and he stumbled. But he found the strength to get up and lunge for the shooter, who was now holding a pistol. Jake rammed his shoulder into Kip, knocking him to the floor. He grabbed the pistol’s muzzle and tried to pull it away. Kip fired, piercing Jake’s hand.

Other boys jumped on top of Kip to help hold him down, including Jake’s 14 year old brother Josh. It took six boys to subdue him and wrest the weapons out of his grip. A rifle, two pistols, a knife and ammunition.

People say the boys who stopped him are heroes. They don’t see it that way. Josh said,

“We just did what we thought was right. We stopped him. That’s how we were raised. I would have done it again and again and again if I had to keep people from getting shot.”

We all said, How could this happen? How could it happen right here in Oregon? What could have been done to prevent it? Are my children going to be safe at school?

And then the questions became more personal. What would I have done in that situation? Would I have lunged forward to stop him, or would I have tried to protect someone in some other way? Would I have turned and run, or hid under a table?

What if someone could have talked it out with Kip before he went on this rampage? What if a friend or a counselor could have helped him to deal with his anger, defuse him, make him see that he was about to cause an immense tragedy? Couldn’t he be stopped from hurting others and throwing his life away?

In the Bible, in 1 Samuel chapter 25, David had just strapped on his weapons, filled his pack with ammunition, and was headed to the place where the people who had offended him were gathered. He intended to kill. What was his problem?

Let’s read this story.

(1 Sam 25 NIV) Now Samuel died, and all Israel assembled and mourned for him; and they buried him at his home in Ramah. Then David moved down into the Desert of Maon. {2} A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. {3} His name was Nabal and his wife's name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband, a Calebite, was surly and mean in his dealings. (The name “Nabal” means “fool” or “simpleton.” One nice person and one old grouch live here.)

{4} While David was in the desert, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. (This is a time of great celebration and there’s always lots of food.) In the next few verses, David sends his men to greet Nabal politely. Nabal’s response should be to welcome them and give them food.

BUT {10} Nabal answered David's servants, "Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? (This was an insult – he knew who David was.) Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. (He accuses the servants of being runaway slaves.) {11} Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?" {12} David's men turned around and went back. When they arrived, they reported every word. {13} David said to his men, "Put on your swords!" So they put on their swords, and David put on his. About four hundred men went up with David, while two hundred stayed with the supplies.

David says later that he planned to kill Nabal and all the men who worked for Nabal. Now, from verse 14 on, one of Nabal’s servants told Nabal’s wife Abigail what happened, that David’s servants were very polite, and they had even watched over Nabal’s property, and Nabal had insulted them. The servant had obviously tried to talk to Nabal directly in the past, but Nabal was so wicked he wouldn’t listen.

In verse 18, Abigail took things into her own hands. She took hundreds of loaves and cakes, grain, wine and sheep, and rode up the mountain ravine to meet David.

Abigail got off her donkey, bowed before David, fell at his feet and gave this beautiful speech to defuse his anger. From here through verse 31. She acknowledged the wrong her husband had done, asked for forgiveness, and praised David for being the chosen of the Lord. She told him he wouldn’t want to have this needless bloodshed on his conscience. Listen to the words she chose to talk him down.

{23} When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. {24} She fell at his feet and said: "My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. {25} May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name--his name is Fool, and folly goes with him. But as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent. {26} "Now since the LORD has kept you, my master, from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, as surely as the LORD lives and as you live, may your enemies and all who intend to harm my master be like Nabal. {27} And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my master, be given to the men who follow you. {28} Please forgive your servant's offense, for the LORD will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my master, because he fights the Lord's battles. Let no wrongdoing be found in you as long as you live. {29} Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my master will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the LORD your God. But the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. {30} When the LORD has done for my master every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him leader over Israel, {31} my master will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the LORD has brought my master success, remember your servant."

David accepted her words and her gifts and granted her request.

What can we learn from this story?

1. If your husband is a jerk, you may have to intervene to keep someone from killing him. Nobody could tell him anything, so Abigail had to do something.

2. Swift action can make a difference. Abigail did something as soon as she knew there was a problem.

3. Make a peace offering. Abigail brought food for David’s men, which Nabal should have offered in the first place. Her generosity showed that she was truly sincere in her request for forgiveness.

4. God can use anyone to stop evil. Abigail wasn’t a powerful person, but she used her smarts and she acted fast.

This morning I want you to put yourself in Abigail’s place. Could you defuse a tense situation? What skills do you have?

It’s been a long time since Michael’s taken martial arts, and yet a lot of those moves are still in his muscles. We were in swing dance class and the teacher taught us a cute little kick step. Michael hauled off with some kind of roundhouse taikwando kick. He remembers. As for me, I’ve forgotten everything I learned in a short jujitsu class. I don’t know how I would do in a situation like a school shooting. We watch a lot of action movies, but our bodies don’t have the muscle memory of actually stopping someone from doing evil.

So what do you have to offer?

Last Thursday night I completed a seven-week training with the City of Gresham Fire Department – it’s called CERT – Community Emergency Response Training. When the big event happens, whether it’s an earthquake or something else, those of us that are CERT trained have some skills and procedures to keep us calm and organized.

What skills would you contribute in an emergency situation? What skills do you use every day to bring peace to your workplace or your school or your neighborhood? Do you have the inner strength and the smarts like Abigail, if you were faced with a situation that required you to act? If not, how can you get it?

Our Presbyterian Statement of Faith tells us that this strength comes from the Holy Spirit:

In a broken and fearful world

the Spirit gives us courage

to pray without ceasing,

to witness among all peoples to Christ as Lord and Savior,

to unmask idolatries in church and culture,

to hear the voices of peoples long silenced,

and to work with others for justice, freedom, and peace.

We thank you, God, that you desire justice and peace among your children on earth, and that you call us to be peacemakers. Give us strength of character, courage and skill to fulfill our calling. We pray in the name of Jesus, who is our example, and by the Holy Spirit, who empowers us. Amen.

Sermon: How Jesus Handled Conflict

Matthew 18:15-35

Rev. Cynthia O’Brien

“Jesus, CEO: How Jesus Handled Conflict”

May 6, 2007

^{MT 18:15} "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. ¹⁶ But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that `every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

What is Conflict? Let’s agree on a definition: A competitive behavior between people or groups in which perceived or real goals and needs are divergent or incompatible.

Put another way, conflict occurs when I want A, and you want B and I think that if you get B, I can’t have A. Since I don’t think that we can both have what we want, I compete to get what I want.

No healthy person likes conflict, especially since we see so many cases where conflict is handled badly. Politicians fight and put partisanship above the interest of the country. Unions and employers fight over salaries and benefits and work grinds to a halt. Israelis and Palestinians fight over territory and won’t let go of past grievances. We know that conflicts can get out of hand and this colors our perception.

Most of us dislike conflict and will avoid it if possible, but is all conflict bad?

True or false? Conflict is always the result of people sinning – False.

Conflict goes away if ignored – False.

Conflict is always bad – False.

If we are going to handle conflict constructively, we need to rethink it. Here are some truths about conflict

Conflict is the result of a fallen world. In Romans 8, Paul wrote:

For the creation waits with eager longing -- creation was subjected to futility, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay -- The whole creation has been groaning under the weight of sin. Conflict is inevitable until the day when God redeems and restores the whole world.

But conflict is normal because people are needy. In Acts 6, people were upset because the widows were not getting the food they needed. There was a conflict about it which resulted in a better food distribution system.

Conflict in church is natural because what we do is of eternal significance. When we care about things deeply, we are likely to come into conflict with others.

Change is normative, therefore, conflict is normative as we try to adapt

By the way, if you don’t think that conflict is normal in the church, I’d encourage you to go back and read Paul’s letters. We have this odd notion that everything was pristine in the early churches. It wasn’t. In every church to which Paul writes, there is conflict.

It is important to understand that conflict is normal -- then we don’t over-react when it happens.

I have a list of the 10 most likely times for conflict in the church. It was prepared by the Alban Institute. Whenever ministers hear the name of the Alban Institute, we bow down and worship and buy whatever book they are selling, because these are very smart, very experienced church leaders and pastors who understand church dynamics. They have complied this list of the 10 most likely times for church conflict. As I read the list, think back to a church conflict and see if it fits into one of these 10 categories.

1. Easter. There is a lot of stress around Easter which brings conflict to the surface. The Alban Institute gets nearly 30 percent more calls than average right before Easter.

2. Stewardship Campaign and Budget Time. When money doesn’t come in as expected. When people use the opportunity to withhold money and air their complaints.

3. Addition of new staff - new staff change old dynamics. Donna, our secretary, is retiring after nearly 26 years. When we hire a new secretary, she could be as skilled and as nice as can be, but after a while you won’t like her, and you won’t know why. The reason is probably that, until now, every time you called the office you got a person who knows you well, knows your history, understands whatever you’re going through and cares deeply about you. In fact, sometimes when I pick up the phone, the person on the other end says, “Where’s Donna?” We can’t replace that depth of relationship. It won’t even happen in a couple of years. This is a great loss. But if we understand that what we’re losing can’t be replaced, hopefully it will help us manage our feelings and reduce future conflict.

4. Change in leadership style, especially when a new pastor’s leadership style is different from the predecessor. In a time of crisis, people depend on the pastor’s leadership to be the same as before.

5. The pastor’s vacation. Those who rely heavily on the pastor may panic when the pastor is gone. Additionally, it’s a good time to act up. I know a church where the pastor was gone for just a few days. During that time, the Worship Committee met without the pastor and voted to change the number of Sunday worship services and the time the services were held.

6. Changes in the Pastor’s family -- marriage, illness, the birth of children, divorce, death – these all affect the pastor’s relationship with the church and the people’s perception of the pastor’s devotion to them.

7. Young people joining the church. Different generations don’t always see eye to eye. Long time members ask, “What’s happened to my church? Who are these people?”

8. The completion of a new building. One of the most common times for a minister to be forced out is after the completion of a building. During construction, everyone is focused on a common task. Once it’s done, a new focus is needed. Without it, the church feels like it’s drifting and has no immediate goal. These feelings lead to conflict.

9. Loss of church membership. When membership decreases, people will look for a person or group to blame it on.

10. Increase in church size. As a church grows, its personality changes. Those who liked its personality before may have a hard time getting used to a new feel of the larger congregation.

Did any of your conflicts you thought of fit one of these categories?

If we are aware of why conflict happens and when it happens, we can redeem it and use it constructively. Instead of destroying the church, conflict can stimulate change, healing and growth.

But it is not enough to know why and when conflict occurs. We need to have the right attitude too. And that’s why we look to Jesus to see how he managed conflict.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and yet his life was constantly surrounded by conflict. Almost everything that Jesus did made the religious leaders unhappy or sparked some controversy and heated discussion. What made Jesus a peacemaker was not avoiding conflict but how handling it well.

Do you remember the story of the women caught in adultery in John chapter 8? It wonderfully illustrates how Jesus dealt with conflict.

While Jesus was teaching at the temple, a woman was brought before him. She had been caught in the act of adultery (I don’t know why they didn’t catch the man, too) and an angry mob assembled to stone her. The religious leaders asked Jesus if she should be put to death as the Law prescribed.

This was a trap that the religious leaders set for Jesus. They knew that Jesus was merciful and they were looking for a way to discredit him. They hoped that he would set the woman free so that they could accuse him of being soft on the Law. The religious leaders were out to get Jesus, and this poor women was simply the means.

Jesus defused the situation by saying “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.” A few at a time, the mob disbanded. The crisis was over.

What I love about this story is that Jesus demonstrated what true peacemaking is all about.

1. Jesus was loving and patience with everyone even when being personally attacked. It is easy to see Jesus love for the women, but we might miss Jesus’ love for the religious leaders too. Jesus could have blasted them for being hypocrites. After all, they were not interested so much in upholding the Law as they are in trapping Jesus. He saw their hypocrisy and understood that he was being personally undermined. But rather than attack them, he looked for a way to show them mercy too. Can you be loving and patient with someone who is attacking you, and not hurt them back?

2. Jesus was not anxious even in the midst of an emotionally charged situation. While the religious leaders were open hostile, Jesus did not respond to the threat. In fact, while they were making accusations against the woman, Jesus doodled on the ground. He remained calm, focused and unaffected by they negativity around him. He wouldn’t allow himself to get sucked up into the frenzy. He would not get upset while being attacked. He remained calm.

This is something I’ve been able to do a lot in ministry. Michael and I attended Interim Pastor Training many years ago, an intense training for pastors who serve churches between permanent pastors. Oftentimes these churches are hurting or conflicted, so one of the things we learned was to be what they called “a non anxious presence.” So when something comes up here at church, and someone flies into my office in a flurry because there’s something terribly wrong, I try not to get upset about it. I try to stay calm and focused. You might misinterpret that as my not caring about it. That’s not true. I have been trained to be a non-anxious presence, to focus on finding a solution to the problem. Can you also be calm when faced with conflict?

3. Jesus reframed the question. This is a skill I’d like to develop more. Jesus had a way of seeing through the surface issues and getting to the heart of a matter. He challenged people’s assumptions and forced them to rethink their attitudes. Sometimes Jesus would do this by answering a question with a question. Next time someone is attacking you, try not to get defensive. Don’t try to give an answer right away. Try asking a question, and see whether you can get beyond the attack to see what that person really needs.

Jesus showed patience and mercy to all parties. He remained focused and non-anxious in the midst of an emotionally charge atmosphere. Jesus got to the heart of the matter.

That’s the kind of peacemaker I want to be. In the coming weeks, we’ll find out how to be peacemakers in all walks of life: at home, at work and at the church.

Sermon: Too Young, Too Old, Too Busy

“Limited Time, Unlimited Possibilities”

Rev. Cynthia O’Brien

April 22, 2007

Luke 10:38-42; Mark 1:32-37

Quote to consider:

"If you're burning the candle at both ends, you're not as bright as you think you are."

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!"

Mark 1:35-37

^{2CO 1:3} Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵ For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

We are continuing in our church’s theme for 2007: The Year of Discovery, and this month’s theme, Discover the Power to Make a Difference.

As I’ve been reading and talking to people this week, it seems that a lot of people want to make a difference in their communities or help other people, but they don’t, pretty much for three reasons. They feel they are too young, too old, or too busy.

TOO YOUNG?

I hear a lot of teenagers saying, “I’m so bored” or “It doesn’t matter what I do.” They’re either out of touch with the needs of others, or think that since they’re too young to vote or drive or hold a job, that there’s nothing they can do about the problems of their communities.

But if you’ve been around this church for any length of time, you know that being young hasn’t stopped people from making a difference. The preschoolers have been collecting change for three years for the new building. Alex Brown, a middle schooler, is raising money for clean water in Africa, and he and his friends collected money on Halloween instead of trick-or-treating. A dozen of our high schoolers are headed to Florida this summer to do the hard work of hurricane relief and restoration.

We quoted this Scripture a few weeks ago from 1 Timothy: Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

Friday was the 8^th anniversary of the shootings at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Charlie Simmons, a member of the Columbine choir, was one of the survivors. About a week later, he was asked to help start a community youth center, a place where teenagers could go to hang out, everyone would be accepted, and you could share things that were on your mind with caring mentors. They called it SHOUTS, Students Helping Others Unite Together Socially, and it opened a month after the tragedy.

Charlie said: “Eric and Dylan had a secret and they told no one. Maybe nobody let them know they had somebody to talk to if they needed to. I think they were angry at the world. I think they had problems with themselves or their families or with others they just couldn’t work out. I think that someone wasn’t around to touch their lives.” [1]

I’ve found that people of all ages really start to make a difference when they find a cause that they can relate to. Unfortunately, sometimes this happens when they experience a problem or tragedy in their own life, but as they are overcoming it, they find they have enough strength to reach out to others.

(Story of Tessa Thompson from Teens With the Courage to Give -- about how she began to realize that her “perfect” boyfriend was also a classic abuser. She broke up with him nine times but he kept convincing her to stay, until she finally made the break, eventually spoke at student assembly, found herself, now helps teenagers in similar situations.)

The Apostle Paul wrote, God … comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

God has made us this way – when we experience a difficulty or a tragedy, it makes us compassionate towards others. We say, “I don’t want someone else to go through what I did.” That’s a powerful energizer towards getting the power to make a difference.

TOO OLD?

And being old hasn’t stopped people from making a difference. It was maybe 12 years ago that one of our members, Bob, about 70 years old at the time, was approached by a fellow member, Holly. Holly said, “Do you have a truck?” Bob said, “yes.” She said, “You need to go volunteer for Snow Cap.” So he did, and now, even in his 80’s, he’s picking up bread from the bakery and donations from the church and delivering it to the food bank in his truck. He and his friends moved the 400 pounds of baby food that we collected here last fall. I think it keeps him young.

There was a man in Berkeley named Joseph Charles who liked to work in his front yard and always smiled and waved to his neighbors and people walking by. One day a lady said, “You make me feel so good, you should go out to the street and wave to everyone.” He put on a pair of yellow gloves and started doing it. For 30 years, every morning from about 7:30 to 9:30, he waved to the passing motorists from in front of his house on the busy Martin Luther King Jr. Way. He would smile and call out, “Keep smiling!” and “Have a GOOD day!” People used to change their commuting route to go by him. The mayor of Berkeley said, “He brought a lot of joy to people.” Joseph Charles died a few years ago at the age of 91. He outlived his wife, two children and two physicians.

Still feel too old? Consider these things you can still do. Remember the church in your will. Whether you give 10 percent of your estate, or a modest amount, it is your legacy to your family and continues the ministry that you care so much about.

Love your family and friends. Let your grandchildren know how special they are to you.

And pray for your loved ones, the church and the world. The Bible says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

So there’s not too young, and not too old. How about the rest of us?

TOO BUSY?

A lot of us who are working and/or raising children just feel too busy with our own lives to get out and do something for someone else.

I am not going to stand here and tell you that you’re not too busy, because I know what some of your lives are like. You’re overloaded, either financially, emotionally, or with the amount of activities and responsibilities you have.

Let me share a picture you might relate to. The Chicago Bears used to do this thing called "Splashing.” The smaller defensive backs and the huge defensive linemen had a good natured battle of intimidation. First they would hurl verbal assaults at each other. Then the big guys would try to circle and isolate one of the defensive backs or as they called them, the "Brat Pack." Usually the smaller, faster defensive backs were able to strike and quickly escape; but, if captured, they paid a huge price.

This is how it happened when they “splashed” defensive back David Tate, who weighed 180 pounds. He was dropped to the ground and the 300 pound William "Refrigerator" Perry collapsed on top of him. Then 270 pound Richard Dent, 275 pound Dan Hampton, and 270 pound Steve McMichael jumped on top--1,115 pounds of pain.

David Tate said, "It hurts. I don't think they know how heavy they are. Once you've gotten 'splashed,' you avoid it at all costs--even if it means backing down."

Have you ever felt "splashed"?

Dr. Richard A. Swenson used this idea as a metaphor for people’s overloaded lives. In one form or another--whether emotionally, physically, or financially--it happens to a lot of us. Newsweek did a cover story on it – the title was simply, "Exhausted."

Swenson said:

"The spontaneous tendency of our culture is to inexorably add detail to our lives: one more option, one more problem, one more commitment, one more expectation, one more purchase, one more debt, one more change, one more job, one more decision. We must now deal with more 'things per person' than at any other time in history. Yet one can comfortably handle only so many details in his or her life. … Overloading occurs whenever the requirements upon us exceed that which we are able to bear.

This month we are exploring the idea, Discover the Power to Make a Difference. But if you are overloaded, if you have too much going on, you’re not going to feel like you can make a difference in other people’s lives.

But you realize God calls you to love your neighbor as yourself, and that as a Christian you are called to follow Jesus. So let’s see how Jesus pulled it off.

In Mark 1:32-34. It was early in Jesus’ ministry, and the crowd just loved him. They brought him ALL the sick and demon possessed, and he healed them.

The disciples must have been ready to pitch a tent, put up billboards, and advertise through television and newspaper that Jesus would be having an extended campaign in the area. They were ready to set the agenda for Jesus. (You may have heard this saying, "God loves you and everybody else has a plan for your life.")

Meanwhile, Jesus had his own agenda. "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed, 'Everyone is looking for you!'" More and more people wanted Jesus to help them. So after he had set aside time to pray by himself, he went to the next village to preach.

Jesus did not heal everyone; he did not minister to everyone; he did not visit everyone; and he did not teach everyone. He did not work 24-hour days. He didn't run from place to place; he walked or shuffled as he talked with his companions. At the end of every day, he slept. Jesus lived in the context of limits. Yet at the end of his life he could say to his Father, "I accomplished the work you gave me to do."

Is it possible in our busy lives to do what we’ve been called to do, to love our neighbor as ourself, to help the poor, to take a public stand for truth, and to still get a full night’s sleep?

Many of Christ's followers today get caught up in a lot of activities that aren't closely related to the primary job God has given them to do. We can get worn out with too many good things.

I heard someone say recently, "If you are burning the candle at both ends, you're not as bright as you think you are." Jesus knew it. The leaders in the early church knew it as well. Paul wrote to the Ephesians, "So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times! Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants" (Eph. 5:15-17, TM).

If we don't establish effective priorities, overloading will continue to fill up our schedules and keep us captive. We may have to simplify our lives and get rid of excess. We may have to say "no" to the good that we may say "yes" to the best. Only then will we be able to find the power to make a difference.

This is the situation I find myself in. With a husband, two active children, a terrific church, my involvement in the community, and lots of personal interests, I have a life that’s packed with blessings and great ways to make a difference. “How’s it going, Cynthia” someone will ask. “It’s a chaos of joy,” I say. “An avalanche of blessings.”

But there’s not enough time to do it all. When I go on leave this summer, one of the things I will have to think through is how I can make a difference in my community and still keep a reasonable schedule. I’m going to study the life and ministry of Jesus and try to understand how he met people’s daily needs while also carrying out the Father’s long term vision. How did he preach such wisdom that brought fresh insight, and still had time to welcome the little children who came to him?

I invite you to make the same self-examination. Look over your calendar of activities, evaluate your television watching habits, evaluate the purchases in your checkbook and on your credit card statement. Become aware of where you’re spending time and money. Then consider where your true passion is, and what your gifts are. Talk to a trusted friend about it. And pray that God will give you the power to make a difference.

Next week is the last message in the Power to Make a Difference. I’ll be handing out some ideas for ways that you can change the world, one life at a time.

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[1] Jackie Waldman, Teens With the Courage to Give, 2000, Conari Press