Sermon: On Romance

PL 5 – On Romance Cynthia O’Brien
Song of Solomon chapters 1 and 7 October 9, 2005


I learned fairly early that God was interested in romance.

I used to go to Junior High retreat at Forest Home Christian Conference Center in Redlands, California, every winter and every summer. There would be worship, and recreation, and ice cream sundaes, and shopping in the camp bookstore, and mischief in the cabins, big teaching sessions and small workshops. One time, they had a workshop called Love, Sex and Dating.

Fearlessly, I signed up. Everybody was going to the Love, Sex and Dating class. We called it LSD for short.

The pastor who led the class was one of those very cool young pastors we had in the 1970’s, with long hair and all. He talked frankly about the temptations and the pleasures ahead of us, and I’m sure I was in a swoon for most of it – (swoon is an old fashioned word for being so completely out of it that you can’t get a grip) – but what I do remember is that God was interested in romance.

You could look at this a couple of different ways. If you were going to be bad, you could think of God as a snoopy old chaperone who found you at Lookout Point and shone his flashlight into your ‘69 Chevy. Or, if you were going to be good, you could think of God more as Aphrodite, the goddess of love, feeding you peeled grapes and fanning you with palm brances in the Garden of Delight.

Personally, I think God is much more about the Garden of Delight, and like any parent, wishes that he could spend more time encouraging us to be romantic and less time telling us to put on the brakes. So let’s talk about God’s romantic aspirations for us, include a word to the old and a word to the young, and then a word of hope.

1. GOD IS A ROMANTIC

First, God is a romantic.

I am so glad the Song of Solomon made it into the Bible, but I’m kind of surprised that it’s there. So much of the Old Testament is about bad sex and violence. My husband teaches Old Testament to all the 9th and 10th graders at Portland Lutheran School, and now, one month into it, one of the students raised his hand and asked, “Pastor O’Brien, why do you talk about sex so much?” Believe me, no teacher wants THAT message going home to parents, but what the student meant was that he couldn’t believe there was so much sex in the Bible.

But not good sex. Not really. Not until you get to the Song of Solomon. Thank God. It is a celebration of romantic love in all its beauty. It is an amazing example of how a piece of literature can be both explicit in its language and yet pure and lovely at the same time. A lot of people don’t even know it’s in there, and when they read it, they can’t believe how wonderful it is.

The book is a dialogue between a man and a woman who are completely in love with each other and delight in each other. It is a celebration of love and physical intimacy, with no shame, no guilt, no embarrassment.

The other is an allegorical reading, that is, that it describes the intimate relationship between God and the believer, or between Christ and the church.

Over the centuries, Christians have argued over whether you should read it as an allegory for God’s love for people. Jovinan, a Roman monk, said that the Song of Songs should be read literally and that it was a defense of the virtue of marital sexual love.

But St. Augustine and Jerome condemned him and said that it couldn’t possibly be read literally, but was a spiritual allegory. The Council of Constantinople in 550 outlawed the literal reading of the Song of Songs, saying it was only to be interpreted allegorically. Some rationalists argued that if you were to read it literally, it was so graphic that it would be obscene and unsuitable for the Christian reader.

But people started appreciating Song of Songs again in its fullness after the Reformation. Over the centuries, Christians have asked why a description of human love and intimacy should trouble us .

See the couple in the text. Their relationship is growing and deepening. The more familiar they are with each other, the more exciting it is. God intends husband and wife to enjoy exploring each other and delighting in each other.

The wife says:
Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

The husband says:
7:6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!… 9 and your mouth like the best wine.

Complimentary words, sincerely presented – don’t you think that would yield some good results?

An elementary school class was asked to give advice to a new husband. Ricky, age 10 suggested: "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck."

I really did mean, complimentary words, sincerely spoken.

Proverbs 5 backs up the message of Song of Songs: “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” Proverbs 5.

This is God’s idea of pillow talk, and it’s beautiful.

When you read through the book, you might find it strange… All this talk of “your body is” a gazelle – a wall -- towers and pomegranites. But that’s the 2,000 year cultural barrier talking. Read modern poets and you will find language that is just as beautiful, just as interesting.

2. A WORD TO THE OLD AND TO THE YOUNG

Let me say a brief word to the older people here, and then to the younger ones. I’ll start with a little story.

A worship design team was meeting to choose hymns for the variety of sermon topics coming up. The leader called out the topics: “OK, first is grace.” A few people suggested “Amazing Grace.” The next topic was alcohol. Someone suggested “Fill Me Jesus, Fill Me Now.” They all thought that was pretty funny. The next topic was sex. No one could think of anything, until an elderly lady started humming, “Precious Memories…”

This one is difficult, and I approach it tenderly. For some of you, your days of romance are behind you. Perhaps they ended in a divorce, or in death. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be without your knight in shining armor, or the woman who brightened up each day. I’ve known many of your loved ones who have died, and they were truly wonderful people. I don’t forget them.

For you, this Scripture may be a message of remembrance. Even though it might hurt, remembering can be a blessing, and every time you remember, you can thank God for every romantic moment. Who knows, maybe there is another romance in your future. Or maybe you take that romantic energy and channel it into building loving relationships with your grandkids. Send an “I Love You” letter to your granddaughter at college.

Now here’s a note for the young people. God made romantic love for you, too. It was God that made your body change and God who gave you all these feelings. God designed you to give and receive pleasure with your husband or wife. You get to choose this person, and he or she gets to choose you, and you will leave your parents and become one flesh with each other. It is with your husband that you’ll play the games that Solomon and the Shulamite played. It is with your wife that you will have complete trust and intimacy. There will be no one else in the whole world with whom you will have this joy. It is just for you two.

So I recommend that you do everything in your power to save yourself for marriage, and when the time is right, to choose a marriage partner with whom you can discover these pleasures.



3. SO, IF YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ROMANCE, TAKE IT

What about the rest of us in the middle, neither old nor young? If you’re looking for love, pray to the God who is love, the God who made romance. Ask God to make you the kind of person that would atttact the right mate – Become a person with high moral character, kindness and personal strength. Be alert to the opportunities around you. Watch for an unexpected blessing.

And if you are like I am, married to the man of your dreams, or if at least you’re married, raise the romance quotient in your daily life. Surprise your mate. Take a risk. Remember what used to be fun, and see where it goes.

In the online magazine Salon, Garrison Keillor wrote this week about “having fun” (Salon.com, October 5, 2005)

Having fun is up to you; nobody else can manage it for you.
Women get broody sometimes and want to sit in front of a fire with a glass of merlot and discuss The Relationship, which is never a good idea. You know this. If you were captured by Unitarian terrorists and sat on by a fat lady and told that you absolutely must discuss your relationship, you should say no, no, no.
Never use the word "relationship." You can say "marriage" or "romance" or "partnership" or "living arrangement" or "hubba hubba ding dong," but the word "relationship" is like the hissing of vipers. If the romance or marriage needs help, the answer almost always is Have More Fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. Take a brisk walk. Dance. Take a trip to Duluth. Read Dickens. There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.
Other people can't do that for you…. you're grown up now and it's time to get some fun in your life.
This is a gift that God gave us. You may remember it fondly, or look forward to it hopefully. But if you are so blessed that you can enjoy it now, cherish it.

Amen.