Sabbatical Plans

This summer is a time of rest and renewal.

I'll keep the myspace page, but my plan is to be mostly off line except to post pictures once in a while. Also my riverandvine e-mail will have a vacation message on it. So catch me this week if you need me before I go!

I will be resting, studying, thinking, praying, writing and playing. I have a stack "this high" of books I want to read. Here's where I'm going:

June is mostly time by myself. After the girls and I go to Mom and Me Camp, I'll go to the Trappist Abbey (www.trappistabbey.org) to pray and clear my head. I'll have a week at the Grunewald Guild (www.artfaith.com) to study art and spirituality with Bro. Mickey McGrath (www.beestill.com). His new book, At the Name of Jesus, will be the basis of my sermon series for December 2007 through Easter 2008.

July is mostly time with Michael. My brother Jonathan will take care of the girls while Michael and I go to Los Angeles to study at seminaries, visit churches and museums, and renew our marriage. Highlights will include studying the Gutenberg Bible and ancient manuscripts at the Huntington Library, Greek and Roman art at the Getty Museum, using the library at Fuller Seminary and visiting the church I pastored in Escondido. We will take a short cruise out of San Diego with my mom and Jonathan.

August is family time, reading and reflection. My dad and his wife will be with us here in Gresham the first week of August. I hope to catch the Mount Hood Jazz Festival and Mt Hood Repertory Theater when I'm here. We will go to Kauai August 6-16 with Michael's parents, siblings and their families, thanks to the generosity of Michael's parents. Then Michael and the girls and I will stay another week in Maui. I'll go back to the abbey for the last week of the month to pray and write before returning to church September 1.

Please don’t bother our house sitters while we’re out of town, but feel free to send us a card as we’ll be dropping into town frequently and will pick up our mail regularly. Have a great summer!

Sermon: Bringing Peace to Work, School

Bringing Peace to Workplace and School

1 Sam 25, selections

Cynthia O’Brien

May 20, 2007

Kip Kinkel entered the cafeteria, firing randomly. Students screamed and hit the foor, seeking cover under tables. 17-year old Jake Ryker turned to face Kip and yelled. A bullet blasted through his chest, ripped through his lung, out his back and slammed into his girlfriend, Jennifer. He fell to the floor, bleeding.

Kip shot 17-year old Mike Nickolausen in the leg. Then he put the gun to the back of Mike’s head, shot and killed him. He turned to 14-year old Ryan Crawley, stuck the gun in his face and pulled the trigger. Click. Empty. Kip reached into his pack for another clip. Ryan reached up and started punching him in the throat and in the face.

Jake struggled to get up from the floor. His leg got tangled under a chair, and he stumbled. But he found the strength to get up and lunge for the shooter, who was now holding a pistol. Jake rammed his shoulder into Kip, knocking him to the floor. He grabbed the pistol’s muzzle and tried to pull it away. Kip fired, piercing Jake’s hand.

Other boys jumped on top of Kip to help hold him down, including Jake’s 14 year old brother Josh. It took six boys to subdue him and wrest the weapons out of his grip. A rifle, two pistols, a knife and ammunition.

People say the boys who stopped him are heroes. They don’t see it that way. Josh said,

“We just did what we thought was right. We stopped him. That’s how we were raised. I would have done it again and again and again if I had to keep people from getting shot.”

We all said, How could this happen? How could it happen right here in Oregon? What could have been done to prevent it? Are my children going to be safe at school?

And then the questions became more personal. What would I have done in that situation? Would I have lunged forward to stop him, or would I have tried to protect someone in some other way? Would I have turned and run, or hid under a table?

What if someone could have talked it out with Kip before he went on this rampage? What if a friend or a counselor could have helped him to deal with his anger, defuse him, make him see that he was about to cause an immense tragedy? Couldn’t he be stopped from hurting others and throwing his life away?

In the Bible, in 1 Samuel chapter 25, David had just strapped on his weapons, filled his pack with ammunition, and was headed to the place where the people who had offended him were gathered. He intended to kill. What was his problem?

Let’s read this story.

(1 Sam 25 NIV) Now Samuel died, and all Israel assembled and mourned for him; and they buried him at his home in Ramah. Then David moved down into the Desert of Maon. {2} A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. {3} His name was Nabal and his wife's name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband, a Calebite, was surly and mean in his dealings. (The name “Nabal” means “fool” or “simpleton.” One nice person and one old grouch live here.)

{4} While David was in the desert, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. (This is a time of great celebration and there’s always lots of food.) In the next few verses, David sends his men to greet Nabal politely. Nabal’s response should be to welcome them and give them food.

BUT {10} Nabal answered David's servants, "Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? (This was an insult – he knew who David was.) Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. (He accuses the servants of being runaway slaves.) {11} Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?" {12} David's men turned around and went back. When they arrived, they reported every word. {13} David said to his men, "Put on your swords!" So they put on their swords, and David put on his. About four hundred men went up with David, while two hundred stayed with the supplies.

David says later that he planned to kill Nabal and all the men who worked for Nabal. Now, from verse 14 on, one of Nabal’s servants told Nabal’s wife Abigail what happened, that David’s servants were very polite, and they had even watched over Nabal’s property, and Nabal had insulted them. The servant had obviously tried to talk to Nabal directly in the past, but Nabal was so wicked he wouldn’t listen.

In verse 18, Abigail took things into her own hands. She took hundreds of loaves and cakes, grain, wine and sheep, and rode up the mountain ravine to meet David.

Abigail got off her donkey, bowed before David, fell at his feet and gave this beautiful speech to defuse his anger. From here through verse 31. She acknowledged the wrong her husband had done, asked for forgiveness, and praised David for being the chosen of the Lord. She told him he wouldn’t want to have this needless bloodshed on his conscience. Listen to the words she chose to talk him down.

{23} When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. {24} She fell at his feet and said: "My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. {25} May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name--his name is Fool, and folly goes with him. But as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent. {26} "Now since the LORD has kept you, my master, from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, as surely as the LORD lives and as you live, may your enemies and all who intend to harm my master be like Nabal. {27} And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my master, be given to the men who follow you. {28} Please forgive your servant's offense, for the LORD will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my master, because he fights the Lord's battles. Let no wrongdoing be found in you as long as you live. {29} Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my master will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the LORD your God. But the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. {30} When the LORD has done for my master every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him leader over Israel, {31} my master will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the LORD has brought my master success, remember your servant."

David accepted her words and her gifts and granted her request.

What can we learn from this story?

1. If your husband is a jerk, you may have to intervene to keep someone from killing him. Nobody could tell him anything, so Abigail had to do something.

2. Swift action can make a difference. Abigail did something as soon as she knew there was a problem.

3. Make a peace offering. Abigail brought food for David’s men, which Nabal should have offered in the first place. Her generosity showed that she was truly sincere in her request for forgiveness.

4. God can use anyone to stop evil. Abigail wasn’t a powerful person, but she used her smarts and she acted fast.

This morning I want you to put yourself in Abigail’s place. Could you defuse a tense situation? What skills do you have?

It’s been a long time since Michael’s taken martial arts, and yet a lot of those moves are still in his muscles. We were in swing dance class and the teacher taught us a cute little kick step. Michael hauled off with some kind of roundhouse taikwando kick. He remembers. As for me, I’ve forgotten everything I learned in a short jujitsu class. I don’t know how I would do in a situation like a school shooting. We watch a lot of action movies, but our bodies don’t have the muscle memory of actually stopping someone from doing evil.

So what do you have to offer?

Last Thursday night I completed a seven-week training with the City of Gresham Fire Department – it’s called CERT – Community Emergency Response Training. When the big event happens, whether it’s an earthquake or something else, those of us that are CERT trained have some skills and procedures to keep us calm and organized.

What skills would you contribute in an emergency situation? What skills do you use every day to bring peace to your workplace or your school or your neighborhood? Do you have the inner strength and the smarts like Abigail, if you were faced with a situation that required you to act? If not, how can you get it?

Our Presbyterian Statement of Faith tells us that this strength comes from the Holy Spirit:

In a broken and fearful world

the Spirit gives us courage

to pray without ceasing,

to witness among all peoples to Christ as Lord and Savior,

to unmask idolatries in church and culture,

to hear the voices of peoples long silenced,

and to work with others for justice, freedom, and peace.

We thank you, God, that you desire justice and peace among your children on earth, and that you call us to be peacemakers. Give us strength of character, courage and skill to fulfill our calling. We pray in the name of Jesus, who is our example, and by the Holy Spirit, who empowers us. Amen.

Sermon: How Jesus Handled Conflict

Matthew 18:15-35

Rev. Cynthia O’Brien

“Jesus, CEO: How Jesus Handled Conflict”

May 6, 2007

^{MT 18:15} "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. ¹⁶ But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that `every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

What is Conflict? Let’s agree on a definition: A competitive behavior between people or groups in which perceived or real goals and needs are divergent or incompatible.

Put another way, conflict occurs when I want A, and you want B and I think that if you get B, I can’t have A. Since I don’t think that we can both have what we want, I compete to get what I want.

No healthy person likes conflict, especially since we see so many cases where conflict is handled badly. Politicians fight and put partisanship above the interest of the country. Unions and employers fight over salaries and benefits and work grinds to a halt. Israelis and Palestinians fight over territory and won’t let go of past grievances. We know that conflicts can get out of hand and this colors our perception.

Most of us dislike conflict and will avoid it if possible, but is all conflict bad?

True or false? Conflict is always the result of people sinning – False.

Conflict goes away if ignored – False.

Conflict is always bad – False.

If we are going to handle conflict constructively, we need to rethink it. Here are some truths about conflict

Conflict is the result of a fallen world. In Romans 8, Paul wrote:

For the creation waits with eager longing -- creation was subjected to futility, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay -- The whole creation has been groaning under the weight of sin. Conflict is inevitable until the day when God redeems and restores the whole world.

But conflict is normal because people are needy. In Acts 6, people were upset because the widows were not getting the food they needed. There was a conflict about it which resulted in a better food distribution system.

Conflict in church is natural because what we do is of eternal significance. When we care about things deeply, we are likely to come into conflict with others.

Change is normative, therefore, conflict is normative as we try to adapt

By the way, if you don’t think that conflict is normal in the church, I’d encourage you to go back and read Paul’s letters. We have this odd notion that everything was pristine in the early churches. It wasn’t. In every church to which Paul writes, there is conflict.

It is important to understand that conflict is normal -- then we don’t over-react when it happens.

I have a list of the 10 most likely times for conflict in the church. It was prepared by the Alban Institute. Whenever ministers hear the name of the Alban Institute, we bow down and worship and buy whatever book they are selling, because these are very smart, very experienced church leaders and pastors who understand church dynamics. They have complied this list of the 10 most likely times for church conflict. As I read the list, think back to a church conflict and see if it fits into one of these 10 categories.

1. Easter. There is a lot of stress around Easter which brings conflict to the surface. The Alban Institute gets nearly 30 percent more calls than average right before Easter.

2. Stewardship Campaign and Budget Time. When money doesn’t come in as expected. When people use the opportunity to withhold money and air their complaints.

3. Addition of new staff - new staff change old dynamics. Donna, our secretary, is retiring after nearly 26 years. When we hire a new secretary, she could be as skilled and as nice as can be, but after a while you won’t like her, and you won’t know why. The reason is probably that, until now, every time you called the office you got a person who knows you well, knows your history, understands whatever you’re going through and cares deeply about you. In fact, sometimes when I pick up the phone, the person on the other end says, “Where’s Donna?” We can’t replace that depth of relationship. It won’t even happen in a couple of years. This is a great loss. But if we understand that what we’re losing can’t be replaced, hopefully it will help us manage our feelings and reduce future conflict.

4. Change in leadership style, especially when a new pastor’s leadership style is different from the predecessor. In a time of crisis, people depend on the pastor’s leadership to be the same as before.

5. The pastor’s vacation. Those who rely heavily on the pastor may panic when the pastor is gone. Additionally, it’s a good time to act up. I know a church where the pastor was gone for just a few days. During that time, the Worship Committee met without the pastor and voted to change the number of Sunday worship services and the time the services were held.

6. Changes in the Pastor’s family -- marriage, illness, the birth of children, divorce, death – these all affect the pastor’s relationship with the church and the people’s perception of the pastor’s devotion to them.

7. Young people joining the church. Different generations don’t always see eye to eye. Long time members ask, “What’s happened to my church? Who are these people?”

8. The completion of a new building. One of the most common times for a minister to be forced out is after the completion of a building. During construction, everyone is focused on a common task. Once it’s done, a new focus is needed. Without it, the church feels like it’s drifting and has no immediate goal. These feelings lead to conflict.

9. Loss of church membership. When membership decreases, people will look for a person or group to blame it on.

10. Increase in church size. As a church grows, its personality changes. Those who liked its personality before may have a hard time getting used to a new feel of the larger congregation.

Did any of your conflicts you thought of fit one of these categories?

If we are aware of why conflict happens and when it happens, we can redeem it and use it constructively. Instead of destroying the church, conflict can stimulate change, healing and growth.

But it is not enough to know why and when conflict occurs. We need to have the right attitude too. And that’s why we look to Jesus to see how he managed conflict.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and yet his life was constantly surrounded by conflict. Almost everything that Jesus did made the religious leaders unhappy or sparked some controversy and heated discussion. What made Jesus a peacemaker was not avoiding conflict but how handling it well.

Do you remember the story of the women caught in adultery in John chapter 8? It wonderfully illustrates how Jesus dealt with conflict.

While Jesus was teaching at the temple, a woman was brought before him. She had been caught in the act of adultery (I don’t know why they didn’t catch the man, too) and an angry mob assembled to stone her. The religious leaders asked Jesus if she should be put to death as the Law prescribed.

This was a trap that the religious leaders set for Jesus. They knew that Jesus was merciful and they were looking for a way to discredit him. They hoped that he would set the woman free so that they could accuse him of being soft on the Law. The religious leaders were out to get Jesus, and this poor women was simply the means.

Jesus defused the situation by saying “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.” A few at a time, the mob disbanded. The crisis was over.

What I love about this story is that Jesus demonstrated what true peacemaking is all about.

1. Jesus was loving and patience with everyone even when being personally attacked. It is easy to see Jesus love for the women, but we might miss Jesus’ love for the religious leaders too. Jesus could have blasted them for being hypocrites. After all, they were not interested so much in upholding the Law as they are in trapping Jesus. He saw their hypocrisy and understood that he was being personally undermined. But rather than attack them, he looked for a way to show them mercy too. Can you be loving and patient with someone who is attacking you, and not hurt them back?

2. Jesus was not anxious even in the midst of an emotionally charged situation. While the religious leaders were open hostile, Jesus did not respond to the threat. In fact, while they were making accusations against the woman, Jesus doodled on the ground. He remained calm, focused and unaffected by they negativity around him. He wouldn’t allow himself to get sucked up into the frenzy. He would not get upset while being attacked. He remained calm.

This is something I’ve been able to do a lot in ministry. Michael and I attended Interim Pastor Training many years ago, an intense training for pastors who serve churches between permanent pastors. Oftentimes these churches are hurting or conflicted, so one of the things we learned was to be what they called “a non anxious presence.” So when something comes up here at church, and someone flies into my office in a flurry because there’s something terribly wrong, I try not to get upset about it. I try to stay calm and focused. You might misinterpret that as my not caring about it. That’s not true. I have been trained to be a non-anxious presence, to focus on finding a solution to the problem. Can you also be calm when faced with conflict?

3. Jesus reframed the question. This is a skill I’d like to develop more. Jesus had a way of seeing through the surface issues and getting to the heart of a matter. He challenged people’s assumptions and forced them to rethink their attitudes. Sometimes Jesus would do this by answering a question with a question. Next time someone is attacking you, try not to get defensive. Don’t try to give an answer right away. Try asking a question, and see whether you can get beyond the attack to see what that person really needs.

Jesus showed patience and mercy to all parties. He remained focused and non-anxious in the midst of an emotionally charge atmosphere. Jesus got to the heart of the matter.

That’s the kind of peacemaker I want to be. In the coming weeks, we’ll find out how to be peacemakers in all walks of life: at home, at work and at the church.